Our House Was (Is?) Our Console and Our Keep

I’m going to make a confession: there are a lot of things I don’t like about our house. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it’s nice enough. I’m guessing most of my friends wonder why on Earth I wouldn’t like it. The picture at right is from before we bought it, so the weeds and mess are long since gone. It’s also still only five years old, so it’s not falling apart and is fairly modern. It’s also big—3,500 ft² big. It’s got enough room for our family and then some, which is one of the main reasons we bought it: so we could grow into it. It’s got a nice office for me to work from home, and we’ve added all sorts of wiring so that the house can handle my *ahem* enhanced technology needs. We’ve also upgraded the HVAC (as many readers already know), which makes it very comfortable.

As for the location… wow. Just… wow. It’s two minutes from the kids’ elementary school, two minutes from the new Church building, three minutes from Walmart, four minutes from our bank and a gas station and restaurants and a whole bunch of other stuff! It’s also in a subdivision, so we’ve got neighbors for the kids to eventually play with (assuming they ever try to), including ridiculous numbers of kids their age. There are three parks, several ponds, and a walking trail, right here in the neighborhood! The sub is big enough for me to easily run a 5K without ever leaving, and yet our corner lot borders a cornfield, so it’s certainly private enough.

So what on Earth is the problem? Well, frankly, it’s the layout.

First of all, there’s virtually zero storage. I mean, zero. What monkey on crack builds a 3,500-ft² house and neglects to include a coat closet? How about a linen closet? A decent walk-in for the kids’ bedrooms? No? Seriously? None of these?

If you’re not going to give us any of that, you could at least put a floor in the attic, but no. How could you, since you didn’t bother to include an interior load-bearing wall—not one!—on the entire second floor? (The studs aren’t even 16″ on center!)

So where does all this space go? Well, a lot of it is in the ridiculous 17′×22′ master bedroom, which is a huge waste of space. (It’s not just the size, but the layout is really weird. Just trust me on this one.) Another waste of space is the game room, at the top of the stairs. It’s longer than the master bedroom, but only about 8′ wide, at its narrowest point. You stick a sofa or a pool table or whatever in there, you can’t get to the bedrooms. And don’t get me started on the ostensible “living room” and “dining room,” which are really just a 12′×23′ room off the entryway (and nowhere near the kitchen, I might add). My friend Jared says the problem with our builder, C. P. Morgan’s, floor plans is that they neglect to include any walls, and I’d call that an extremely accurate assessment.

So by now, you’re thinking, “Waaah, waaah, waaah,” and that, too, would be an accurate assessment. You’re probably also thinking, “So why the heck did you buy it?” The answer is fairly simple: we spent 18 months looking at homes, trying to find the perfect one; we decided it didn’t exist, in our price range; and we bought this one. It had enough of the features we were looking for that we were willing to go for it, so we did.

Of course, you’re probably also thinking, “So why are you complaining about it now?” For that, dear readers, you’ll have to tune in tomorrow. ;-)