The Empty Soda Can

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

2012-02-22T07:45:00.000-05:00

I remember when I was a kid, a new pizza place opened up in our area. It was about half an hour away, but we’d heard it was really good, so we made the trek to try it. It lived up to the hype: their delectable pan pizza was completely different than the same old genuine New York–style pies at all nine Italian- or Italian-American–owned pizza/sub shops in our tiny New Jersey hamlet of 15,000 people. It was also expensive, but it was so delicious that we’d drive up Route 46, every few months, to take advantage of that wonderful place called “Pizza Hut.”

A few years later, they opened another store—their second, in my young mind—about 10 minutes from our house. Now it was easier to get there, though our weekly pizza night continued to come from locals like Cosmo Bella or Bachagaloop’s. Still, when the craving came, we’d still head out to Totowa to get a Pizza Hut pizza and a side of cheesy garlic bread. Definitely great stuff.

On the other side of the coin were burgers. Sure, we could always go to our local McDonald’s or Burger King; we could even get some really good char-broiled burgers from a local favorite like the Anthony of Wayne or the Hearth. But every once in a while, we’d go to this tiny, beat-up place down on the Clifton/Paterson border, a place so small that they just had two doors connected by an aisle where you could place your order. Still, it was always insanely busy. I don’t remember the line ever fitting inside; it was always out the door and across the parking lot, and Dad would wait in line for 30-45 minutes to get our food while Mom waited in the car with two increasingly bored kids. (Thank goodness for Walkmans.) Despite all this, we’d go back time after time for the delectable taste of White Castle.

The point I’m trying to make is that, as a kid, these now–extremely commonplace restaurants were incredibly special to me, but these days, it’s just not the same. I’m sure some of that comes from the romanticism of childhood, but some of it is the fact that it’s just not special anymore. Ironically, Pizza Hut is still 10 minutes away and White Castle is still 20 (although admittedly, the latter is available from Walmart, a mere three minutes away). But they’re still so incredibly normal that we don’t often take advantage of them.

Last night, for example, my daughter Leah’s school had a fundraiser at the local Pizza Hut. We went—even took the missionaries, since we were scheduled to feed them, anyway—but it just wasn’t the same as when I was a kid. It was still enjoyable; just not special. I attribute this to the number of times Anna and I had Pizza Hut when we were first married and it was convenient food after a long day at work. (We did the same with White Castle, which was much closer, then.) Even though that was 14 years ago, the magic is permanently gone.

So what do you think? Does familiarity really breed contempt, or at least apathy?

Behind the Display

2011-12-20T10:19:00.000-05:00

Well, long-time readers, it’s finally happened: I got a new computer! After years of agonizing over which would be best while waiting for it to finally become necessary, I settled on a solution: get a cheap Mac mini to use as a server, plus a MacBook Pro to use as my main machine. Along with the MacBook Pro, I plan to get two 27″ Thunderbolt Displays.

Those grandiose plans aside, though, we’ve only received a small portion of our tax refund due to some government red tape. My new client, however, has specific needs that require me to have something newer than my 8½-year-old Power Macintosh G5. As such, I took the plunge: I picked up a cheap Mac mini—as planned—and a single Thunderbolt Display. (It’s actually pretty neat, going from a 20″ and 17″ to a single 27″ display, but to be honest, the biggest difference is Mac OS X v.10.7 Lion and the things it does differently. Not badly, just differently. I’ll adjust.) :-)

Of course, amidst all this, I had to retire my old displays to make room for the new. (In fact, once I get the second display, I’ll also need a new desk to handle the increased weight.) So in the interests of levity, I will point out that I have rarely, if ever, had the need to clean behind my displays, since they both came so close to the desk as to render the behind section nigh invisible. As such, I was rather surprised by what I found behind them. Let’s see what you think:

unopened box of Cracker Barrel crayons
Mickey Mouse I made in Mr. Sayer’s eighth-grade metal shop
battery tester (been looking for that for months, already bought another)
seven standard AA batteries, three of them dead
eight rechargeable AA batteries, status unknown
Canon Li-ion Battery Pack
two dead light bulbs
one blue bottlecap
one strip of negatives from our wedding day
five-years–out-of-date business cards
random screw
tag from an Official Major League Baseball
unopened package of adoption Pass-along Cards
several twist-ties
one auger anchor, seemingly unused
health insurance card (expired 2005)
plastic wrap that seems to have once contained something chocolatey
orange highlighter
two tags from winter boots purchased at Walmart
SquareTrade Warranty magnet
8GB PC2-5300 RAM
Ziploc bagful of bubble gum
three Toys “Я” Us Rewards cards
receipt from parking garage near Manhattan Temple
$100 gift card from Google AdWords
three tickets from Monkey Joe’s
≅30% of three unseparated paper towels
piece of paper on which Leah practiced writing her name
tiny tiara, presumably from a Barbie or similar doll
external hard drive sled
two picture hangers
outlet cover
cork
½-cup Gladware™ container
lid to a 46-oz. can of V8
How to Train Your Dragon plush toy
Goofy Pez dispenser
large, purple, magnetic bag clip
orange toothbrush (seemingly unused, but I’m not risking it)
Philips CD- & DVD-cleaning fluid
six-pack of cable holders
key to a padlock I haven’t seen in probably a decade
business checking deposit slip with a phone number scribbled on it, presumably belonging to either Lou Ann Wagner, Len Ann Magner, or some combination of the two
still-wrapped Butterfinger heart from Valentine’s Day, year unknown

Suffice to say: my desk is much cleaner now. The office as a whole, on the other hand….

What do I do?

2011-11-06T21:03:00.000-05:00

I’m in a world of hurt right now.

There’s a person in my life who I work with on a regular basis who obviously doesn’t even begin to appreciate what I do. It doesn’t matter how hard I try; it seems that nothing I do can ever live up to this person’s expectations. This person is constantly deriding me, telling me that I’m slow, that I’m lazy, etc.; my accuser, on the other hand, is hard-working and consequently spends most of the time cleaning up messes caused by other, ostensibly lesser people (myself apparently foremost among them).

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cut this person off because I really do benefit from our relationship, and I even enjoy it, when I’m not being lambasted. Furthermore, doing so would be extremely detrimental to both my personal and professional life. And yet, whenever I confront this person with my feelings, I’m made to feel even worse. There’s never any acknowledgment of the very deep hurt I’m feeling, just reassurance—generally in the form of interrupting, before I can get out a single sentence—that it’s all my own fault. Everything would be just fine, my accuser maintains, if I would just work at a minimum acceptable level. Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to reach this person’s unattainable minimum.

So what do I do? I know I have to forgive my accuser, but it’s really hard to do so, especially when the continuous nature of the hurt keeps opening up the preexisting wounds. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Toupée or Not Toupée

2011-07-15T15:40:00.004-04:00

So I’m going through some old photos that my dad scanned in and I come across some shots from my maternal grandparents’ Hawai’ian vacation, circa 1968. As I stepped through, I found a picture with a rather… um… interesting guy in the foreground:

And I’m like, seriously? Seriously? I guess it could be like Grecian Nº 40 or something, but either way, he’s like 150 years old! Who does he think he’s kidding?

Seeing this, I don’t know whether to be glad or disappointed that the ’60s are over. What do you think?

The World’s Worst Ethnic Joke

2011-06-19T16:37:00.001-04:00

I just received an email from my mother with the subject line “Fwd: World’s worth ethnic joke pun.” Apparently they’re hoping to mock people with a lithp as well.

Anyway, it bears repeating:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Frenchman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, an Iraqi, a Norwegian, and 47 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

“I’m sorry,” said the maître d’, “you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

The Epsonian Institute

2011-04-21T15:56:00.000-04:00

First of all, if you haven’t read the Introduction to this post, please do so. It’s not absolutely necessary, but it will help you better understand our search for the perfect printer. :-)

After years and years of purchasing printer after printer—some good, some bad, some so horrible you’d prefer a poke in the eye with a sharp stick—we were finally happy with our Brother HL-4070CDW for printing, Epson CX5200 for flatbed scanning, and HP OfficeJet 4315 for sheet-feed scanning. We also had our worse-than-a-sharp-stick Samsung SPP-2020 for photos, but since that only worked once before being in the shop for three years and then coming back still broken, we hardly even counted that. But the one thing we still required was a functional CD printer. I hopped online and, lo and behold, Staples just happened to be running an awesome sale on the Epson Artisan 835.

But did I want to risk another Epson all-in-one? Sure, my CX5200 was great, but it wasn’t a CD printer. The only CD-printing all-in-one I’d had, the Stylus R300, was a piece of junk. So, I made a trip to the brick-and-mortar. I talked to the employees. I confirmed that I could return it, if it didn’t work. And I took the plunge.

Omigosh I’m glad I did.

The results were nothing short of amazing. The CDs were gorgeous, but the other features are awesome, too. It includes a flatbed scanner; buh-bye, CX5200! It includes a sheet-feed scanner; buh-bye, OfficeJet 4315! And, most of all, it includes a 4″×6″ photo tray; die, SPP-2020! Die! (But I’m not bitter.) It also has an 100 BASE-TX full-duplex ethernet port, so I can just plug it into our network and be done with it. (It also has wireless capabilities, but since it’s already networked, we don’t need to use those.)

Suffice to say, I’ve really enjoyed having it on my desk, for these last four months—until today. I went to scan a document, and… nothing. The computer couldn’t see the scanner at all. On a whim, I tried to print something. Nada. I checked the network switch; it was working fine and recognized that there was a device attached to the appropriate port. I double-checked the cable, just to be sure; it was fine, too. I could use its built-in copy features, but nothing on the network could see it, at all. No matter what I did, the Artisan 835 was apparently dead.

I called tech support, but the automated message told me to try the web site. Of course, the troubleshooting steps on the web site are for people who don’t know what they’re doing to begin with, so they unfortunately didn’t help me at all. I headed to lunch, mowed the lawn, and went back to work, determined to talk to a tech before day’s end.

Thankfully, I was able to do so.

Lamentably… well, read on.

I’ve been in tech support, so I know how hard it is to troubleshoot some problems, especially when the user really does have a problem and isn’t just holding his mouse upside-down, or something. I also understand that when the tech obviously doesn’t speak English as his first language, it’s often difficult to get a straight answer. So, I tried to be patient with the guy. Honestly. I really did! But eventually, we got to the point where he asked me to shut off the router and printer, and I asked him if I should also shut off the switch. His response was that yes, I should shut off the switch on the router.

And that’s when I knew I was in trouble.

It took me a good five minutes to explain to him that a router and a switch are two different things. Once he apparently understood that, he asked me to hook the printer directly into the router, which would be fine, if they weren’t in different rooms. Thankfully, though, I do happen to have an ethernet cable that long, so I did so. When it still didn’t work, he asked me the question I’ve learned to dread:

Him: “Who is the distributor of your router?”

Me: “You mean, who is the manufacturer?”

Him: “Yes. Who distributes it?” (Oh boy. Do you not know the word “manufacturer”?)

Me: “It’s Apple.”

Him: “Okay. So it seems to me that you’ll need to call Apple about this problem.”

That’s when I got really perturbed.

Me: “Okay. So, I’m sitting here with a perfectly functional network. My router is providing connections to seven other routers, three hubs, eight computers, and another printer. All of these devices are working perfectly fine, but the Epson printer is not. And you’re telling me that it’s the router’s fault?”

Him: “Um, oh. You have computers on the network?”

Me: “Um, yes, that’s kind of the point.”

Him: “Could you please hold for a brief moment while I consult with someone?”

Me: “Sure. I can do that.”

Once he “consulted with someone,” it took us all of one minute to fix the printer.

Ah, techies… gotta love us.

The Epsonian Institute: a Background

2011-04-21T14:54:00.003-04:00

When Anna and I first got married, we bought an HP printer. I don’t remember what model it was; I just remember that at the time, I wanted a nice printer that could handle 11″×17″. It cost us over $500, but we were happy—right up until we tried to print something. It was horrible. In the three months we owned it, we had no less than thirty different errors. It probably worked, about 2% of the time—no exaggeration. I remember one day, I needed to print a two-page, black-and-white text document, before I left for work. I was late, because I only gave myself 20 minutes and the printer took 32 minutes to complete it. We finally got HP to take it back, but they docked us $50 for the ink we used. I decided it was time to find another manufacturer.

Shortly after the HP debacle, we got an Epson Stylus Photo EX. It was awesome, but when we got a new computer, a few years later, its standard 8-pin serial connection was no longer standard. We upgraded to another Epson, a Stylus CX5200 all-in-one. Again, it was awesome, but we eventually realized it didn’t meet all our needs.

Given our experience with Epson, I decided to get a Stylus R300 to handle CD printing. We didn’t need another standard printer, but it was the least expensive way to get the CD printer. It worked exactly once, and was very difficult at that. I was suddenly very jaded towards Epson.

A few months later, I needed a sheet-feed scanner, but quickly realized it was a lot less expensive to buy an HP printer with those capabilities. I held my breath and bought an OfficeJet 4315 and was surprised to discover it not half bad.

I then decided to get a photo printer, too, and bought a Samsung SPP-2020. Anyone who knows me particularly well knows how that turned out; suffice to say: if given a choice between a free Samsung product and a free kick in the groin, take the kick. Seriously.

By the time we moved to our current home, the CX5200—still our main printer—was showing its age. We decided that this time, we weren’t going to mess around. We were going to check reviews and get a nice, wireless-compatible, full-duplexing, double-tray, color laser printer. We wound up purchasing the Brother HL-4070CDW, which I would absolutely recommend to anyone. We bought the optional second tray, which holds an entire ream of standard paper; and use the built-in tray for card stock. It is niiiice. (To be fair , a couple of years ago, we did have a little trouble with the magenta ink cartridge leaking. A quick call to Brother, though, cleared that right up: they walked us through cleaning the drums, sent us a free replacement cartridge, and didn’t even ask for the old one back. Definitely customer service at its best.)

Finally, in December 2010, I needed a new CD printer. Rather than get another all-in-one, I decided to get a dedicated disc printer and purchased a used Dymo DiscPainter. Suffice to say: buying used was not a good choice, and my time constraints forced me to buy another new printer before I was able to get the broken one replaced (which, to Dymo’s credit, they did under warranty. Thank you!). (As an aside, if anyone needs a like-new, straight-from-the-factory CD printer, I now have one for sale—and for a lot less than the price at right. Contact me and let me know!) :-)

So after all that, in the time-honored tradition of the Empty Soda Can, I told you all that so I can tell you something completely different. ;-)

Our House Was (Is?) Our Console and Our Keep

2011-03-21T07:41:00.005-04:00

I’m going to make a confession: there are a lot of things I don’t like about our house. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it’s nice enough. I’m guessing most of my friends wonder why on Earth I wouldn’t like it. The picture at right is from before we bought it, so the weeds and mess are long since gone. It’s also still only five years old, so it’s not falling apart and is fairly modern. It’s also big—3,500 ft² big. It’s got enough room for our family and then some, which is one of the main reasons we bought it: so we could grow into it. It’s got a nice office for me to work from home, and we’ve added all sorts of wiring so that the house can handle my *ahem* enhanced technology needs. We’ve also upgraded the HVAC (as many readers already know), which makes it very comfortable.

As for the location… wow. Just… wow. It’s two minutes from the kids’ elementary school, two minutes from the new Church building, three minutes from Walmart, four minutes from our bank and a gas station and restaurants and a whole bunch of other stuff! It’s also in a subdivision, so we’ve got neighbors for the kids to eventually play with (assuming they ever try to), including ridiculous numbers of kids their age. There are three parks, several ponds, and a walking trail, right here in the neighborhood! The sub is big enough for me to easily run a 5K without ever leaving, and yet our corner lot borders a cornfield, so it’s certainly private enough.

So what on Earth is the problem? Well, frankly, it’s the layout.

First of all, there’s virtually zero storage. I mean, zero. What monkey on crack builds a 3,500-ft² house and neglects to include a coat closet? How about a linen closet? A decent walk-in for the kids’ bedrooms? No? Seriously? None of these?

If you’re not going to give us any of that, you could at least put a floor in the attic, but no. How could you, since you didn’t bother to include an interior load-bearing wall—not one!—on the entire second floor? (The studs aren’t even 16″ on center!)

So where does all this space go? Well, a lot of it is in the ridiculous 17′×22′ master bedroom, which is a huge waste of space. (It’s not just the size, but the layout is really weird. Just trust me on this one.) Another waste of space is the game room, at the top of the stairs. It’s longer than the master bedroom, but only about 8′ wide, at its narrowest point. You stick a sofa or a pool table or whatever in there, you can’t get to the bedrooms. And don’t get me started on the ostensible “living room” and “dining room,” which are really just a 12′×23′ room off the entryway (and nowhere near the kitchen, I might add). My friend Jared says the problem with our builder, C. P. Morgan’s, floor plans is that they neglect to include any walls, and I’d call that an extremely accurate assessment.

So by now, you’re thinking, “Waaah, waaah, waaah,” and that, too, would be an accurate assessment. You’re probably also thinking, “So why the heck did you buy it?” The answer is fairly simple: we spent 18 months looking at homes, trying to find the perfect one; we decided it didn’t exist, in our price range; and we bought this one. It had enough of the features we were looking for that we were willing to go for it, so we did.

Of course, you’re probably also thinking, “So why are you complaining about it now?” For that, dear readers, you’ll have to tune in tomorrow. ;-)

Refund!

2011-03-05T05:11:00.000-05:00

Many of you probably figured I was talking about our taxes, and that would be a logical assumption. However, the fact of the matter is that, being self-employed, our taxes are far from trivial and I haven’t completed them yet. Oh well. We’re getting a refund, anyway: $1,500 in overpaid gas bills.

When I posted this to Facebook, a friend responded by asking, “Wow, how does that happen?” It’s a great question, but the answer is sort of complex. As such, I’ve chosen to post it here.

We bought our current home in July, 2007. One of the smartest things I did was to offer the sellers $5,000 more than asking price, so we could get cash back at closing and do some upgrades to the house. The most significant of these happened, a few days before we moved in: I hired the company that did the original HVAC system to come in and zone that system. By the time we moved in, there was one zone for the entire downstairs, one that covers most of the upstairs, and a third for my home office (which stays warmer due to its many computers and peripherals). I figured the zoning would save us money, but I didn’t know how much; I just knew they’d start out charging us roughly what our predecessors paid—which probably wouldn’t be enough, since our predecessors probably didn’t have as many electronics as I—and adjust from there.

A few months after we moved in, Vectren (our gas company) contacted us, saying that our meter was broken and that we had ten days to schedule a repair, or they would shut off our service. I called up to schedule the service, but while we were talking, I mentioned the zoning. The service rep immediately canceled the service call, stating that the zoning could totally account for the difference. I marveled that the zoning had made such a difference that they thought the meter was broken.

Eventually the time came for them to adjust our budget payment, but since BillPay handles all our bills, I didn’t notice immediately and just kept paying as we always had. By the time I did notice, they owed us over $1,100. I called them up and requested a check. Our account was zeroed, the check was cut, and our budget was recalculated—a month after my call. Given the delay, I forgot to change the payment.

In Summer 2009, we further upgraded the system by installing a return in my office and each of the bedrooms. We also had them balance the ductwork, each bedroom getting a larger or smaller duct, as needed. This made a huge difference in the comfort level of our house—we completely retired our space heaters!—but also seems to have further reduced our gas bill, since the system isn’t working against the formerly pressurized bedrooms. Again, they presumably reduced our budget amount, but since they didn’t tell us, the payment was never changed.

Long story short: between our significant upgrades and continuing overpayments, it all adds up. They’re zeroing our balance again, taking this month’s usage out of our $1,500 credit, and issuing us a check for the rest. Once we see how they’ve recalculated our budget, I’ll finally drop our payment and probably reroute the difference to our savings account. No reason to give them our interest!

Thus, the bottom line: when we moved in, Vectren calculated our bill based on its experience with the previous owners, which makes sense: it’s the same house, so our usage—while not identical—would probably be fairly similar. After 3½ years in our home, though, they’ve had to issue us $2,600 in credits. You can’t tell me zoning doesn’t work! :-)

Today’s Songs

2011-01-12T17:37:00.001-05:00

Hayley Westenra • Never Saw Blue (Full Length Drums Mix) (✭✭✭✭✭)

Sigur Rós • Gobbledigook (✭✭✭✭)

The Locust • I Become Overwhelmed (✭✭✭)

ABBA • Voulez Vous (✭✭✭½)

Hayley Anderson • Every Corner of My Heart (✭✭✭✭)

Mephisto Odyssey • Bump (Hot Pink Delorean Remix) (✭✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • Once There Was a Snowman

Heart • Who Will You Run To? (✭✭✭✭)

Heart • Magic Man (✭✭✭✭)

Heather Sullivan • Twisted (✭✭✭✭✭)

We the Kings • Check Yes Juliet (✭✭✭✭✭)

Holly Conlan • You Are Goodbye (✭✭✭½)

Freddie Jackson • You Are My Lady (✭✭✭)

Micky Dolenz • St. Judy’s Comet (✭✭✭✭)

Micky Dolenz • The Moonbeam Song (✭✭✭✭)

Les Rossignols de Poznan • Alleluia, Ave Maria

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club • Dirty Old Town (✭✭✭)

James Kibbie • BWV673 Christe, aller Welt Trost

James Vargas • Sitting Pretty (✭✭✭✭✭)

Tulsa • Rafter (✭✭✭✭)

Pink Skull • Oh, Monorail (✭✭✭✭)

Dr. Dog • The Old Days (✭✭✭½)

U-Nam • Street Life (✭✭✭✭✭)

Jazzmasters • Free as the Wind (✭✭✭✭)

Tim Bowman • High Def (✭✭✭✭)

Oli Silk • Easy Does It (✭✭✭✭)

Jaared • Jamaican Winds (✭✭✭✭)

Sekou Bunch • Smooth Sailing (✭✭✭✭)

Jenny Dee & the Deelinquents • Mama Told Me (✭✭✭✭✭)

Balkan Beat Box • Move It (Radioclit remix) (✭✭✭½)

Matmos • Polychords (✭✭✭)

The Cave Singers • Helen (✭✭✭)

Pavement • Gold Soundz (Remastered) (✭✭✭)

Jay Reatard • Always Wanting More (✭✭✭)

Dead Meadow • I'm Gone (✭✭✭½)

Jay Reatard • See/Saw (✭✭✭)

Cat Power • Metal Heart (✭✭✭)

The New Pornographers • All the Things That Go to Make Heaven and Earth (Live) (✭✭✭½)

Shearwater • Leviathan, Bound (✭✭✭✭)

Cat Power • The Greatest (✭✭✭✭)

Mates of State • For the Actor (✭✭✭)

Mates of State • Nature & the Wreck (✭✭✭✭)

Mates of State • Running Out (✭✭✭✭)

Mates of State • Punchlines (✭✭✭✭)

Mates of State • So Many Ways

Peter Schmalfuss • Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 3 in B Major

Carmen Piazzini • Fantasy for Piano No. 4 in C minor, K. 475: Adagio - Allegro - Andantino - Più allegro - Tempo primo

Magnus Ludwigsson • Rocking around the Christmas Tree (✭✭✭✭✭)

Southwest German Radio Symphony Orchestra • Concerto in D Major for Violin and Orchestra, Op. 61: III. Rondo: Allegro

Capella Istropolitana • Le Nozze di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro), K. 492: "Giunse alfin il momento, Deh vieni non tardar"

Kristin Chambers • You Set Me Free (✭✭✭)

The Rembrandts • New King (✭✭✭)

The London Festival Orchestra • Symphony No. 104 in D Major, Hob. I:104, "London": III. Menuetto - Trio: Allegretto

Juri Gagarin • Wet Dreams (✭✭✭)

DJ Bitman • My Computer Is Funk (✭✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • We Bow Our Heads

Amy Grant • Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song) (✭✭✭✭✭)

Poco • Rough Edges (✭✭✭)

Bamberg Symphony Orchestra & Hans Swarowsky • Symphony No. 5 in D Major, Op. 107, "Reformation": III. Andante

James Kibbie • BWV545 Praeludium et Fuga in C / Prelude and Fugue in C Major - 1. Praeludium

Gorillaz • Demon Days (Album Sampler) (✭✭✭)

Natalie Imbruglia • Torn (✭✭✭✭✭)

Ronald Brautigam • Piano Sonata No. 46 in A♭ Major, Hob. XVI:46: III. Finale. Presto

Toto • A Thousand Years (✭✭✭✭)

GuitarBeat 5

The Cranberries • Disappointment (✭✭✭½)

Aaron Rosand • Concerto in D Major for Violin and Orchestra, Op. 35: II. Canzonetta: Andante

Lipps, Inc. • Funkytown (✭✭✭✭½)

The B-52s • Funplex (✭✭✭✭✭)

The B-52s • Funplex (CSS Extended Remix) (✭✭✭✭✭)

The B-52s • Funplex (Peaches Pleasure Seeker Remix) (✭✭✭½)

15,855 tracks to go!

Songs for the Day

2011-01-11T17:36:00.003-05:00

Steve Miller Band • Abracadabra (✭✭✭✭½)

The Mills • Abran fuego (✭✭✭✭½)

Steamroller • Absence (✭✭✭✭½)

Jewel • Absence of Fear (✭✭✭✭½)

They Might Be Giants • Absolutely Bill’s Mood (✭✭✭✭)

Kelis • Acapella (✭✭✭)

Counting Crows • Accidentally in Love (✭✭✭✭✭)

Ex-Voto • Accidents Never Happen (✭✭✭½)

Power Music • According to You (✭✭✭✭)

Lita Ford • Aces & Eights (✭✭✭)

Crash Test Dummies • Aching to Sneeze (✭✭✭½)

Mark Morgan • Acolytes of the New God (✭✭✭✭)

Sigur Rós • Gobbledigook (✭✭✭✭)

The Locust • I Become Overwhelmed (✭✭✭)

Chicago • I Believe (✭✭✭✭)

Cloning Einstein • I Believe (✭✭✭✭✭)

Micah Stampley • I Believe (✭✭)

Tears For Fears • I Believe (✭✭✭)

The Studio Sound Ensemble • I Believe I Can Fly (✭✭)

The Darkness • I Believe in a Thing Called Love (✭✭✭✭½)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Believe in Being Honest

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Believe in Being Honest (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Believe in Christ

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Believe in Christ (Instrumental)

Orem Institute of Religion Choir • I Feel My Savior's Love

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Feel My Savior’s Love

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Feel My Savior’s Love (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have a Family Tree

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have a Family Tree (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Two Ears

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Two Ears (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Two Little Hands

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Two Little Hands (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Work Enough to Do

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Have Work Enough to Do (Instrumental)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day (Instrumental)

Pasadena • I Held You Pretty Good (✭✭✭)

Bill & Gloria Gaither • I Hold a Clear Title to a Mansion (✭✭½)

Olivia Newton-John • I Honestly Love You (✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • I Hope They Call Me on a Mission

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • There Is a Green Hill Far Away (Instrumental)

The Housemartins • There Is Always Something There to Remind Me (✭✭✭½)

Head of Skulls! • There Is No Clean Fun (✭✭½)

Escolania de Montserrat • There Is No Rose (✭✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today

The “Mormon” Tabernacle Choir • There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today (✭✭✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • There Is Sunshine In My Soul Today (Instrumental)

Sixpence None the Richer • There She Goes (✭✭✭✭✭)

Sixpence None the Richer • Silent Night (✭✭✭✭✭)

Wonder Kids • A-Goong Went the Little Green Frog

Mike Post • The A-Team (✭✭✭✭)

Ray Wylie Hubbard • A. Enlightenment B. Endarkenment (Hint: There is no C) (✭✭✭)

Ladyfinger (ne) • A.D.D. (✭✭✭)

Laethora • A.S.K.E. (✭½)

Sonu Nigam • Aaja Soniye (from Mujhse Shaadi Karogi) (✭✭✭✭½)

Kronos Quartet • Aba Kee Tayk Hamaree (It Is My Turn, Oh Lord) (✭✭✭)

Sheryl Crow • I Shall Believe (✭✭✭✭)

Sheryl Crow & Sting • Always on Your Side (✭✭✭✭✭)

Crowded House • Archer’s Arrows (✭✭✭✭)

Songs for the Day

2011-01-10T17:18:00.002-05:00

Paula Abdul • Coldhearted (Quivering 12″) (✭✭✭½)

Love Derwinger and Roland Pöntinen • Concerto in A♭ Major for Two Pianos and Orchestra: III. Allegro vivace

Lenny Kravitz • My Love (✭✭✭½)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • The Tenth Article of Faith

Pepe Ahlqvist & The Rolling Tumbleweed • Big Pig Beta (✭✭✭✭)

Narvalo • Aven Aven (✭✭✭✭)

Blind Pilot • Go On, Say It (✭✭✭½)

Blink 182 • All the Small Things (✭✭✭✭)

Cathy Dennis • Falling

Aretha Franklin • Angels We Have Heard on High (✭✭✭✭)

Fresh Body Shop • Can't Get Enough (✭✭✭✭)

Bryan Adams • Cuts Like a Knife

Mainz Chamber Orchestra • Symphony No. 29 in A Major, K. 201: II. Andante

Boom Crash Opera • Forever

Ron Davis Trio • Popeye (✭✭✭✭✭)

The B-52’s • Roam (Extended Remix) (✭✭✭✭)

Winger • Baptized by Fire (✭✭✭)

Frida Hyvonen • Enemy Within (✭✭✭✭✭)

Throw Me the Statue • Lolita (✭✭✭½)

The War on Drugs • Taking the Farm (✭✭✭)

Sen Dog • Fumble (✭✭)

Near the Parenthesis • Not Here, Not Tonight (✭✭✭✭)

Countdown Kids • Lullaby and Goodnight (✭✭✭½)

Magnifier • Down the Hall (✭✭✭½)

Lithuanian Chamber Orchestra • Symphony No. 59 in A Major, Hob. I:59, "Fire": IV. Allegro assai

Sheena Easton • Strut (✭✭✭½)

Alerth Bedasse & Chin’s Calypso Sextet • Guzoo Doctor (✭✭✭)

The Cranberries • What’s on My Mind (✭✭✭½)

Jewel • What’s Simple Is True (✭✭✭½)

They Might Be Giants • What’s That Blue Thing Doing Here? (✭✭✭✭)

The Wilsons • Good About You (✭✭✭✭✭)

Sixpence None the Richer • The Lines of My Earth (✭✭✭✭)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints • O Home Beloved

Mannheim Steamroller • Above the Northern Lights (✭✭✭✭)

An Interesting Resolution

2011-01-08T14:15:00.004-05:00

It’s been noted by many authors that a surprising number of Latter-day Saints don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. It’s not that we think ourselves above improvement; in fact, quite the opposite: we’re so constantly trying to improve ourselves, attempting to become more like our Savior, that making a New Year’s resolution is actually kind of redundant. So with that in mind, yesterday I came up with a New Year’s resolution that is completely unrelated to bettering myself per se, yet something that I can actually work towards with some semblance of completion.

So, on to the task: in my iTunes library, I have a smart playlist with every track that iTunes has no record of me listening to. Obviously, I’ve actually listened to a lot of them: many are ripped from CDs that had been played at least once, often more than once, before I added them to iTunes. However, having never listened to them in iTunes, they have no play count, no volume adjustment, no equalizer preset, no ✭ rating, or any combination of the above. Thus, my goal: by the end of 2012, I will have listened to and appropriately tagged every track in my library.

So, in case anyone cares, I’ll be sharing what tracks iTunes has served up, each day. Sometimes it’ll be random, sometimes not, but it should be an interesting look into what I have on my iServer. :-)

Friday, 7 January 2011

David Sylvian featuring Stina Nordenstam & Nine Horses • Wonderful World (✭✭✭✭)
Tame Impala • Desire Be Desire Go
Tristeza • Newbury (✭✭✭✭)
Nightmares on Wax • Passion (✭✭✭½)
The Tallest Man on Earth • Like the Wheel (✭✭✭)
Paul Simon • Getting Ready for Christmas Day (✭✭✭½)
Paula Abdul • Rush, Rush (✭✭✭✭)
John Wesley Harding • Where the Bodies Are (✭✭✭½)
John Wesley Harding • Millionaire’s Dream (✭✭✭✭)
John Wesley Harding • Come Gather ’Round
Talbot Tagora • Ichthus Hop (✭✭✭)
Pretty & Nice • Hideaway Tokyo (✭✭✭)
Jackpot • Far Far Away (✭✭✭✭)
Mar√≠a Estela Monti • Se fue (✭✭✭✭)
Raw Youth • Tame Yourself (✭✭✭✭)
Exene Cervenka • Do What I Have to Do (✭✭✭½)
Belinda Carlisle • Bless the Beasts and the Children (✭✭✭✭✭)
Fetchin’ Bones • Slaves (✭✭✭)
Goose Bumps • Asleep Too Long (✭✭✭✭½)
Indigo Girls & Michael Stipe • I’ll Give You My Skin (✭✭✭)
Howard Jones • Don’t Be Part of It (✭✭✭½)
k.d. lang • Damned Old Dog (✭✭✭)
Nina Hagen & Lene Lovich • Don’t Kill the Animals (✭✭)
Jane Wiedlin • Fur (✭✭✭)
Puffin’ Billy (Theme from “Captain Kangaroo”)
Good Old Days (Theme from “The Little Rascals”)
Meet the Flintstones (✭✭✭)
Gracie Lantz & Kay Kyser’s Swing Band • The Woody Woodpecker Show
Bugs Bunny Overture (This Is It) (✭✭✭)
Slow Dazzle • Now or Never or Later
The Sly Caps • The Boring Life (✭✭✭✭)
The Sly Caps • Don & Sue (✭✭✭✭½)
Apollo Smile • Thunderbox [1991] (✭✭✭✭½)
Apollo Smile • Thunderbox [1990] (✭✭✭✭✭)
Name Taken • The Safety of Routine (✭✭✭✭)
Mark Morgan • Follower's Credo
Belinda Carlisle • Fool for Love (✭✭✭✭✭)
Belinda Carlisle • Nobody Owns Me (✭✭✭✭✭)
Belinda Carlisle • California (✭✭✭½)
Belinda Carlisle • We Can Change (✭✭✭½)
Belinda Carlisle • Live Your Life Be Free (✭✭✭✭½)
Belinda Carlisle • Where Love Hides (✭✭✭✭)
Belinda Carlisle • I Feel Free (✭✭✭✭)
Belinda Carlisle • Gotta Get to You (✭✭✭½)
Belinda Carlisle • I Plead Insanity (✭✭✭✭)

The Squeaky Wheel

2011-01-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, my parents came for a visit. As it happened, just before leaving, my father accidentally deleted five songs he had recently downloaded from iTunes, and contacted technical support to see if he could download them again.

Now, in my experience, this is a fairly simple endeavor. Long-time readers may even remember that I blogged about it, a while back, when a few of my own tracks went missing. Unfortunately, my father, who has probably the worst luck on the planet, was not so lucky. By the time my parents arrived at their hotel, en route to our house, a support tech had contacted him and re-enabled every track he’d ever purchased from iTunes.

Let me re-emphasize this: he needed five tracks replaced, and they supplied his account with something to the effect of 981 tracks, 976 of which were already on his hard drive. What’s more, they were queued up in chronological order, so he had to download all 981, to get to the last five. In a hotel room. Over hotel WiFi. He left his MacBook on all night, downloading like crazy, and still didn’t get through half of them. (He downloaded the rest, once he got to our house.)

Now, I don’t understand exactly what happened from there, because my father’s infamous bad luck obviously struck again. One of the beautiful things about iTunes is that it’s extremely easy to display duplicates in any given list; you just go the File menu and select Display Duplicates. Since he and my mother were leaving to visit my aunt and uncle in South Carolina, only days after visiting us, Dad displayed duplicates, sorted by date (descending), and deleted the dupes that had been downloaded during their Indiana trip. Unfortunately, by the time they were on the road, he realized that he had done something wrong: every track in his library displayed a broken link.

He contacted iTunes customer support again, presumably by replying to the last email. Rather than attempt to troubleshoot with him, the same woman responded rather tersely that it was not Apple’s responsibility to provide him with a backup solution. Nevertheless, she re-enabled every track again!!! Suffice to say: Dad was not happy.

Well, to make a long story even longer, he eventually contacted me for help and together, we figured out that the reason all this happened was because his iTunes Media Folder location was mis-set. Furthermore, since he had re-downloaded everything twice, he had three copies of just about everything, on his hard drive. After hours of merging folders and Consolidating Files in iTunes, he had everything back, just the way it was.

Well, after all this, Dad was understandably unhappy with the tech in question. As such, he replied to the support tech and let her know what had happened, basically telling her what he thought of her service (or lack thereof). Not surprisingly, she responded with an olive branch: a one-song credit at the iTunes Store. Suffice to say: Dad remained unpleased.

So finally, at my suggestion, he called up Apple and asked to speak to Customer Relations. After explaining his problem to a representative there, the rep gave him a choice of several items in the $100-$150 range, for his trouble. Long story short: my father is now the proud new owner of an iomega external 1TB hard drive. (Yeah, that’s a lot for that, but whatever.) ;-)

So, quite roundabout, but when it came right down to it, Apple customer service comes through again—which is why I continue to love them.

2012

2010-10-25T05:35:00.014-04:00

For the past few days, I’ve been discussing politics on Facebook: specifically, the 2012 Presidential election. One of the friends I’m talking to, right now, is a rabid Ron Paul fan (as are, in my experience, most of his supporters) and sounds like she’d be very difficult to convince to vote for anyone else. Another is a right-leaning independent and quite anti-Obama, but still feels that our incumbent president will be very difficult to beat, in 2012. (This I agree with.) Since my own thoughts on the subject are long and varied, I figured I post some of them here.

First of all, I am a Conservative. Despite this, I have no ties to the Republican Party and probably never will. I vote for the candidate, not the party; and when a Democrat, Independent, or whatever comes along that I actually agree with, I’m happy to vote for that person.

Secondly, I am a Latter-day Saint. This certainly affects the way I see things, but in no way dictates the way that I vote. When another Latter-day Saint (with whom I had much in common) ran for the Congressional seat in my district, I reviewed his positions on the issues, sent him an email asking for clarification on one or two points (to which he actually responded), and then proceeded to vote for the other candidate. I vote my conscience, not an organization.

So having pointed out my background, I’d like to deal with the rest of the country. These are my perceptions.

First of all, it’s hard to know where we’ll be in two years, so the best I can do is talk about today. And frankly, if the Presidential election were held today, it’s difficult to predict which way it would go, especially since we don’t know who Obama’s opponent would be.

What I do see as a perennial problem is that both the Republicans and, to a lesser extent, the Democrats tend to pick candidates that do nothing but preach to the faithful¹. This usually leaves us with one very conservative candidate and one very liberal candidate, with most voters stuck trying to decide between the two. Since the media generally votes liberal, it’s always going to be an uphill battle for anyone that can be painted as “out of touch,” which is how a lot of people view conservatism.

On the other hand, Obama’s approval rating has been hovering in the 45% range for a while, with almost as many strongly disapproving². In other words, the Republicans really do have a chance, here. The problem is that they have to buck convention and actually nominate someone good, someone who can actually reach across the divide and woo left-leaning independents. He (or she) doesn’t actually have to be a moderate (although that probably wouldn’t hurt), but he’s got to have that same je ne sais quois that propelled Obama into the White House, in the first place.

What does this mean? Well, let’s be frank: it translates to “young and alluring.” The Republican campaign has to be Internet-savvy, and the candidate has to be both human and charismatic. They need to forget about the 15-20% of voters who will vote Republican, no matter what. They also need to write off the 20-25% of voters who will vote Democratic, no matter what. What the Republicans need to do is focus on the other 55-65%—those who actually care who they’re voting for, not what—and convince those voters that their candidate is intelligent, able, and ultimately the best person for the job.

On the other hand, we need to consider Congress. The media is abuzz with the fact that the Republicans should score a fairly significant upset in Congress, next month. If this occurs, the Republicans—currently the persecuted, underdog minority—will be thrust back into the spotlight and once again become accountable for their actions. If the Republican Party wants to score a big win in 2012, it is imperative that they not win too many seats, in the 2010 election. As long as the Democrats still control Congress, they continue to be the “problem party,” and Obama will have a lot of ’splainin’ to do in 2012.

Obama’s undeniable magnetism and Teflon®-esque ability to avoid controversy are going to make the 2012 election an uphill battle for the Republicans. By laying the groundwork now, it is possible, but it’s going to take a lot of effort. History shows that the Democrats tapped Obama for President long before he even became a U.S. Senator. If the Republicans are smart, they’ve also got a “long game” up their collective sleeve and are already preparing for the touchdown play.

1. John McCain was a notable exception to this rule, as the rampant—and, in my opinion, unwarranted—Bush bashing of the mid-2000s led to a very different dynamic in the 2008 Primaries.
2. Note that this 45% approval rating represents the combined total of both those who “strongly approve” of Obama’s performance and those who merely “approve.” 43% of Americans “strongly disapprove” of his performance, over half again those that “strongly approve.” See Rasmussen, Gallup, etc..

Awareness

2010-10-08T00:12:00.000-04:00

Before you begin reading this post, allow me to give you fair warning: what I’m about to say is anything but politically correct.

Breast cancer is a pop culture disease.

The reason I say this is not because I want to minimize breast cancer; I don’t. I’m definitely in favor of curing breast cancer. It’s a horrible disease, affecting about four million people at any given time—and about 20% of those four million will die from it. That’s 800,000 breast cancer patients who will not win their battles, and that’s 800,000 too many.

Now, that having been said, let’s consider diabetes for a moment. Diabetes affects about 200 million people at any given time, and that number continues to climb. Unlike breast cancer, which has decreased as better treatments are found, diabetes is expected to grow another 50% in the next dozen years or so. By the early 2020s, roughly 300 million people will have diabetes. And unlike breast cancer, diabetes is almost impossible to cure. So, almost 100% of those 200-300 million people will die from it.

If we use today’s numbers, there are 50 times as many diabetes patients as breast cancer patients. Given recovery rates, that means 250 times as many diabetes deaths as breast cancer deaths. Now… guess which one gets more federal funding. If you guessed diabetes, you obviously don’t know how our government works.

I don’t have diabetes, but I love several people that do. While I also love several cancer survivors—including breast cancer survivors—they are just that: survivors. Unless something changes, my diabetic friends and family will never become “survivors”; their bodies will continue to rebel against them, eating away at themselves until they die. Cancer treatments are horrible—I’ve watched people suffer through them—but cancer treatments can end. Cancer can go into remission. After a while, it might even be considered “gone.” But diabetes treatments never end; they just get less and less effective.

So, as we recognize October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with its pink everything all over the nation, let’s also remember that November is Diabetes Awareness Month. When you look around throughout the month of November, I’m sure you’ll see beautiful gray ribbons adorning everything from… well, no, I guess you won’t see them. Diabetes Awareness isn’t cool enough to be a marketing tie-in; it’s not even cool enough to warrant a real color. What’s up with that?

Breast cancer sucks. Diabetes sucks and gets ignored. :'-(

The President Packer Postulate

2010-10-06T09:47:00.002-04:00

I know not everybody that follows this blog is following my religion-themed blog, but I figured this one was important enough to cross-post. Enjoy!

The President Packer Postulate

Grief and Loss

2010-09-19T00:52:00.000-04:00

We just got back from an adoption conference in Franklin, Tennessee. The last class we attended—and were asked to present in—dealt with grief and loss. I suppose that, given our history, the presenter figured that we’re experts.

Throughout the course of trying to build our family, we’ve experienced many kinds of grief and loss:

• We’ve suffered through severe infertility, such that we’ve only managed to get pregnant four times in almost 13 years of trying.

• We’ve suffered through two early miscarriages, wherein that pregnancy ended almost before it began.

• We’ve suffered through a later miscarriage, when our son Daniel was perfectly formed but born much too early and we got to hold our lifeless child in our hands before burying him in a tiny casket.

• Several times, we’ve suffered when an adoption opportunity fell through because, despite desperately wanting to adopt that child, the answer to our prayers was a resounding “no.”

• Several times, we’ve suffered when an adoption opportunity fell through because we didn’t match what the birthmother was looking for.

• Many times, we’ve suffered when an adoption opportunity fell through because the birthmother disappeared, and we never heard from her again.

• At least twice, we’ve suffered when an ostensible birthmother scammed us, playing with our emotions for “her” own sick amusement.

• Twice, we’ve suffered through a birthmother picking us, then backing out when she decided to parent the child herself.

In short, we’ve suffered through just about every conceivable scenario on the trying-to-become-parents front. However, as we were discussing this on the way home from this weekend’s conference, Anna pointed out that there’s one situation we actually haven’t been through: being genuinely considered by a birthmother, getting to know and love her, and having her pick someone else.

Guess what email was in my inbox, when I got home.

For those of you who haven’t been following our adoption page on Facebook, we’ve been working with a birthmother named, ironically enough, Kelli. She had gotten her list down to two couples, one of them being us. We had been getting along great, chatting and/or talking on the phone pretty much every day. On Thursday, she and I talked for hours about music, discovering that we actually have a lot in common. During that conversation, she mentioned how much she likes us; and at the end, she mentioned how much better she was feeling. (She’d been having a rough day, to that point.) Then, while we were at the conference, she made her final decision—and it wasn’t us.

I guess it’s to be expected that we’re really hurting, right now—Anna, even more than I—but I don’t feel even the least bit of anger towards Kelli. We’ve said all along that we trusted her to make the right decision, and now we have to trust that she has. I just hope and pray that our baby comes PDQ, cuz we’re already a good nine years overdue on our third living child. :-(

Please keep us in your prayers—and just as importantly, if not more so, please do something to help us! Adoption is all about contacts: the more people you contact, the quicker it will happen. Please let people know who we are. Our Greatest Wish is still to grow our family, and after all this “grief and loss” we’ve been through, we’re long since ready to actually do so.

Renewal

2010-07-28T14:00:00.001-04:00

So we got a letter in the mail, saying we have to update our bishop’s reference letter, criminal background checks (including checks for our four- and three-year-old children), and financial documentation (including tax returns). We also have to have a caseworker come to our house—again—to make sure it’s still safe for a child. This is necessary because it’s about to be a year since we were originally approved for this adoption. Oh, and this packet came 44¢ postage due. :-P

The bishop balked at filling out the paperwork because our agency neglected to include an envelope for him to send it back. By the time they finally sent one, he was gone on business for a week, followed by a two-week vacation with his family. I don’t begrudge him either of these, but it’s just one more thing, y’know?

Regardless, we now have to go through our house, making sure everything is spic and span. I mean, it’s not like we live like animals or anything, but there’s a different standard when you’re showing your entire house to a complete stranger, especially one who gets to decide whether or not you’re allowed to have a child. We have to make sure everything is safe and/or childproofed to their standards. We have to show that everything is clean. We have to install at least one carbon monoxide detector per floor. (That’s a new one, since we adopted Leah.)

In short, let’s just say that if biological parents were held to the same standards as adoptive parents, I’m guessing people wouldn’t have to wait two, three, even fifteen years to adopt a child. (Our friends, for example, recently gave up after eleven years of waiting. I sincerely hope we’re never in that position.) There would be plenty of children to go around, and most of the kids who spend the better part of their childhood in the foster care system would likely never get there, in the first place.

Anyway, I hope this doesn’t come off as a rant. It just kind of takes me aback that after all we’ve already had to go through to get to this point, we now have to do it again. It’s not a problem; it’s just one more thing, y’know? And by this time next week, it will all be a memory, anyway. :-)

Upgrade

2010-07-27T17:01:00.000-04:00

First of all, if you want to read a very brief summary of my Church’s history with family history software (from my point of view), check it out in the Book of Jeffrey. In short, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, I’m encouraged to use a family history application on my own computer, be that the Church’s own Personal Ancestral File (which is free to cheap, but has now spent several years languishing) or some other, third party product. Well, let’s face it: all things being equal, free is always better than not free.

Based on that concept, I’ve spent the last several years, limping along with PAF 2.3.1. With the advent of Mac OS X v.10.5 Leopard, the Classic environment was completely abandoned, which made things even worse: I had to transfer the application to another computer running an older OS that does support Classic, then access it via Screen Sharing. So here are the steps I have now:

My main computer, a Power Macintosh G5 named Anila, requests a screen sharing session with my iTunes server, a Power Macintosh G3 named Negri.
Negri launches the Classic environment.
Negri asks to share FilesRAID, a mirrored RAID stored in Anila.
Negri opens PAF 2.3.1 in Mac OS X v.10.4’s Classic environment.
PAF 2.3.1 opens a database from FilesRAID.

In short, Negri’s not tremendously fast to begin with, and with all this networking going back and forth, it’s a slooooow process. For this reason, most of my work, as of late, has actually been done on New FamilySearch (see the Book of Jeffrey post, above) rather than use the slow and annoying system I have here.

And it’s time for that to stop.

For the last few months, I’ve been going back and forth between a few different family history applications. The four that I in any way considered are as follows:

iFamily for Leopard
MacFamilyTree 6
Personal Ancestral File 5
Reunion 9

So what have I decided? Well, with all the other typing, I guess you’ll just have to wait till tomorrow! :-P

The Running Shorts Diaries

2010-07-15T08:41:00.003-04:00

Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have been privy to a recent status update wherein I lamented my wife’s insistence that, after five months of running perfectly fine in jeans (when it’s cold) or denim shorts (when it’s not), I suddenly need to switch to running shorts. In response to those who asked why I have a problem with it, I submit this entry.

First of all, I don’t need them. Admittedly, I buy lots of stuff that I don’t really need, so this is tenuous at best. The difference, however, is that running shorts are something that I not only don’t need, but I don’t even want. It just seems silly to waste the money. At least they were only six bucks and change.

Second, they’re inconvenient. Most running shorts are intensely difficult to tie tightly enough, so they’re constantly falling down. Now, my Facebook friends may be asking, “Wasn’t that your complaint about the shorts you already had?” Well, yes and no. I did have to cut my Tuesday run short, for that very reason, but it wasn’t really because my pants were too loose (although they were); my pants have been loose for months. The problem was that the particular belt I was wearing was too loose. Thankfully, Anna managed to find a pair that actually ties tightly, which alleviates that problem.

The matter of inconvenience goes beyond my ability to cinch, though. Let’s be perfectly frank: I’m a Latter-day Saint, and as many people know, endowed Latter-day Saints wear a special garment under their clothing. The primary reason for this is a perpetual reminder the covenants we’ve made with our Father in Heaven, but a less significant reason is to help us maintain basic standards of modesty. For this reason, the bottom half of the garment—though available in many sizes, styles, and materials, per personal preference—resembles boxers a lot more than briefs. As such, it’s a rare pair of running shorts that actually covers the garment such that I’m not constantly worried about them hanging out of the bottom.

Now, I know what many other Latter-day Saints will say: why not just take off the garment while I run? Many saints do this, and that’s certainly their decision to make. In fact, I remember a 1995 episode of 60 Minutes where they did a piece on the Church of Jesus Christ, and then–San Francisco 49ers quarterback Steve Young mentioned (in response to a question) that he doesn’t wear the garment while playing or training. And that, I reemphasize, is fine; it’s just not for me. While I certainly reserve the right to change my mind, that will only happen if and when I receive personal revelation to that effect. Until then, it remains a concern.

The third issue I have with running shorts is that they’re uncomfortable. Again, this is a result of some choices that I, personally, have made: when I run in the morning, I always always always lock and bolt the door behind me. I will not leave my oft-sleeping wife and children in an unlocked home while I’m out running around, and thus I need my keys. On the other hand, I want to keep myself safe, too, so I always bring my wallet. It contains both my identification and my insurance card, so if by some chance I have a medical emergency (which isn’t that farfetched; I’ve already wound up in the examining room once), I’ll have what I need to be taken care of.

When I’m wearing jeans (whether short or long), my wallet and keys feel as per usual. They sit in my pockets, and while my knuckles do bump them on rare occasions, there’s just something about the pockets of jeans that make the contents fairly imperceptible. In running shorts, on the other hand, they bump and scrape my legs with every step. It’s not excruciating by any means, and perhaps I’d even get used to it after a while. For the time being, though, I had a good thing going and, for reasons mostly unknown, now I don’t.

Now… I recognize there’s another side of the coin. While all of the men that responded suggested, in one way or another, that I go with whatever is most comfortable, all of the women apparently feel that what’s comfortable is considerably less important than what’s fashionable. I suppose it’s only natural that a gender that goes through such complex beautification rituals would feel that way—not that I’m complaining; those complex beautification rituals have some very nice results, including in the case of my own beloved wife. :-) But let’s be perfectly honest: if I want to not “look funny” (to quote one of my friends who commented), the first step to that is going to be not running at all.

Picture this: a 240-pound man is jogging down the street at an amazing four miles per hour, dripping sweat like he’s been working in the fields all day. On his head he wears a pair of headphones that was lovingly crafted by Taiwanese artisans to look like a large pair of earmuffs. If he’s lucky, he’s wearing a workout shirt; if not, he’s wearing either a T-shirt that says “The Otter” in glitter-glue, or something to do with guinea pigs. About the coolest thing about this guy is the five-year-old iPod shuffle he wears on a lanyard around his neck, and even that—though wonderfully functional—is so outdated as to be ridiculous. Bottom line: I doubt the dork factor is going to be significantly affected by eschewing a pair of denim shorts for a pair of running shorts (possibly with garments peeking out of the bottom).

All this having been said, I’m still considering wearing the running shorts for two reasons: wear and tear, and laundry. I’d prefer to keep my regular shorts in good shape (including cleanness), so I can wear them when I’m not running. Perhaps I can buy a pair of short-people garments, so I don’t have to worry about the bottoms sticking out. I could even empty out my pockets by adding a fanny pack to my ensemble, since my running shorts will apparently make me look so cool that they’ll coolify the fanny pack in the process. Lady Gaga and Paris Hilton will be wearing fanny packs everywhere in no time, and I can tell everyone that it’s all due to my super chachi piruli running shorts.

So yeah. There you go.

Free MacBook Pro!!!

2010-06-03T14:27:00.002-04:00

Six years ago, Anna and I got a very nice birthday present from my grandmother: a brand new iBook (then Apple’s consumer-grade laptop). We named her Candace, and she was a great little machine. Although she did have a few minor problems, Apple was very good to take care of us whenever something went wrong. From the time the hard drive died to the letters wearing off of a few oft-used keys, they always replaced everything quickly and free of charge. Their customer service was, in a word, impeccable.

Then, just over three years ago, with only a week left on our extended warranty, I brought our little Candi in for a checkup. I told the Genius on staff to look her over, see if there was anything wrong with her, and if so, fix it. (If by chance there were something wrong, I was not going to have to pay for repairs, if I could help it.) He took her into the shop, and a few days later I got a call: some part I’d never heard of, that did who knows what, was indeed broken. Unfortunately, it was also backordered, so it would be a few days.

A week later, Apple’s web site was still showing a backorder on the part. Just as I was starting to get genuinely annoyed, there was a call from the Apple Store: the Genius said that the part was, for some reason he couldn’t even imagine, backordered for six more weeks. Rather than put me through all that, could he interest me in a brand new MacBook, instead?

Suffice to say, he had a deal.

Unfortunately—and in contrast to the relatively good experience we had with Candi (and the absolutely perfect track record of Anila, our seven-year-old Power Mac G5)—Candi’s replacement, P.D.Q., has had a really rough life. I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall when we discovered that he had a mis-sized Ethernet port, direct from the factory. That little factor got him a whole new logic board. His lot in life became more obvious, though, when his MagSafe adapter broke and failed to detach, sending him crashing to the floor. That got him a new adapter, endoskeleton, top and bottom clamshell, and hand rest.

A few weeks after this, we woke up to find his display mysteriously cracked. The crack quickly spread, and within two days was a sine wave from top left corner to bottom right. Needless to say, he got a new display for that one. Then his plastic exoskeleton started peeling, leaving gaping holes around the edges. He got another new clamshell for that, and then yet another clamshell and hand rest, when it happened again.

After almost three years of this, I repeated my trip to the Apple Store for P.D.Q.’s final checkup before his AppleCare ran out. Unfortunately, this time I did have some complaints. His sleep functionality was messed up, intermittently sleeping when he should be awake and waking when he should be asleep. Furthermore, his battery occasionally wouldn’t take a charge (despite being amazingly healthy, according to the guys at Apple). I informed them of his track record (and my opinion regarding having not received a new machine, in light of his continued issues). They brought him into the shop and, after keeping him for twice as long as promised, returned him apparently fixed.

Only he wasn’t.

With six hours left on the warranty, I called Apple again and complained. The tech I spoke to, Chris, was great. He even gave me some troubleshooting ideas that I hadn’t known. He then told me that, since my AppleCare was about to expire, I shouldn’t bother calling the main line again; if his suggestions didn’t fix the problem, I should call him directly. So 24 hours later, that’s just what I did, leaving a message on his voice mail.

Late this morning, Apple showed up on my caller ID. It was Chris, and he was calling to apologize for everything we’ve been through with P.D.Q.. Not only did he offer me a replacement machine (despite being two days out of warranty), but in consequence of the changes to the MacBook line since 2007, he offered me a new MacBook Pro! (I know it’s well above what I deserve, but he wanted to make sure the replacement had everything I need. The current MacBooks don’t have Firewire, so he gave me a free upgrade to the Pro, to maintain that connectivity.) He also offered to let me pay to upgrade any other options I might be interested in, but as the only option I really wanted (a matte screen) is only available on the larger models, I forewent both that upgrade and the ones in between. The $750 would get us a much nicer computer, but $750 is a big jump from free. ;-)

Anyway, after an afternoon call from the processing department and my signing a couple of emailed CYA-esque legal documents, our new MacBook Pro is on its way. Like its predecessors, it comes with a one-year factory warranty with an option to upgrade to three years, which option I can take anytime between now and its first birthday. Needless to say, I will be taking advantage of that option. I do hope I don’t need another freebee in 2013, but with my luck, I’d be a fool not to risk it. ^_^

TV Habits

2010-05-17T09:36:00.001-04:00

Every once in a while, I get an email from Harris Poll Online. I used to take their surveys all the time; now, not so much. But for some reason, I decided to take today’s survey, regarding television viewing. Perhaps it’s because I care about the kind of entertainment that is available to me. Perhaps it’s more for my kids. Whatever the case, I decided to participate, and the brevity of the poll made it likely that I will do so again.

What I really want to talk about, though, is what happened at the end: they offered me the opportunity to see “selected results” of the poll. What amazed me most were the results to Percent Indicating Types of Television Shows Watched.

Now, personally, I hate reality shows. But the way things are hyped, I would have thought that they’d the #1 type of show watched. Thus, I was quite surprised when they came in seventh place, with a mere 27.9% of respondents. I also don’t get into sports, but I figured that might take the top spot. Again, I was surprised. Can you guess what the #1 type of show watched was? Go on. Guess.

Sitcoms.

Sitcoms? Seriously? I would have thought the age of the sitcom ended about twenty years ago, when Family Ties was off the air and The Cosby Show was on its last legs. I mean, sure, they do still exist, but the only one I actually watch is The Big Bang Theory, and it’s gotten so raunchy that I’m even thinking of bailing on that!

Here’s another surprise: the #2 spot was news! I didn’t think anybody still watched TV news programs! I certainly can’t remember the last time I did, and it’s not because I’m completely apathetic; I just get all my news from the web, and I would have thought that most other people would, too.

Another shocker: the #4 spot was sci-fi. Now, don’t get me wrong; I love sci-fi, although I must admit I don’t get into the stuff that seems to garner the big ratings. I’ve never seen an entire episode of Star Wars or any of the Star Trek series; I’ve never watched Babylon 5 or V or any of the Stargate franchise. But I love Lost; I love Doctor Who; I even love Quantum Leap and any of a number of other sci-fi shows and movies. I just didn’t think that many other people did! Interesting stuff.

Anyway, here’s the complete results, as of this morning at about 8:45:

Sitcoms	58.20%
News	57.10%
Professional Sports	52.60%
Science Fiction	48.90%
Sports Shows	32.90%
Other	28.60%
Reality Shows	27.90%
Cartoons	27.20%
Home Shows	25.10%
Travel	24.90%
Game Shows	20.20%
Talk Shows	15.80%
Business/Finance	11.80%
Music Videos	9.80%
Soap Operas	3.90%
I don’t watch TV	2.30%

So how about you? Does this surprise you as much as it does me?

iPad vs. Netbook

2010-04-20T03:39:00.004-04:00

C|Net’s Dan Ackerman recently reviewed Apple’s new iPad, comparing it to any one of the plethora of Microsoft Windows–based netbooks out there. Of course, as happens with any Apple product, the responses are both polarized and numerous. Here’s my take on the subject:

Personally, I’d never buy a netbook. They’re too small, too slow, too—well, too just about everything I wouldn’t want in a computer. I just can’t see myself having any use for one.

IMHO, the problem with a netbook is that it tries to replace a laptop, while the beauty of the iPad is that it doesn’t. I think the funniest complaint I’ve heard is the one along the lines of “It’s just a big iPod touch.” Well, yes, that’s exactly what it is. That’s exactly what Apple was going for, and after playing with an iPad at my local Best Buy, I can say they achieved that intent quite effectively.

The reason some people are so excited about the iPad is because it meets a need they have. What is that need? It varies from person to person. Some are just Apple zealots; some just like to have the latest status symbol. But not every iPad customer falls into one of these categories. I have a client, for example, that has tremendous use for the iPad, one that will impact his bottom line significantly. For him and his business, it’s a good investment. For others, maybe not. So what? You can’t be everything to everybody. I don’t have an iPad for the same reason I don’t have a cell phone: I just don’t need it, so why should I waste my money on it? If the time comes that it meets a need for me, I’ll get one. Until and unless that happens, I won’t. Simple as that.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the iPad can either be a great product or a lousy one, depending on what you need. Since it really does meet some people’s needs, I can totally understand why those people would be excited by it. What I don’t get is why so many people whose needs it doesn’t meet are so bent out of shape. If I’m hungry for chicken, I’m not going to bash the guy at the next table for ordering spaghetti; I’ll just order my chicken and presumably enjoy my meal.

So what are your thoughts on the iPad vs. netbook controversy? Will you be getting one or the other? Both? Neither? Do tell!

The Gospel According to Jeffrey

2010-04-20T02:31:00.000-04:00

Since most people aren’t following me over there, The Gospel according to Jeffrey has a new post. :-)

An Exercise in Irrelevance

2010-04-02T11:36:00.007-04:00

A few years ago, Greenpeace blasted a bunch of computer companies for making their products out of non–environmentally-friendly materials—which, if you think about it, isn’t that surprising, neither on the part of the manufacturers nor on the part of Greenpeace. They each have a job to do and they’re doing it.

One of the many companies that Greenpeace blasted—and one that bore much of the brunt of their wrath, due to some of the specific components and chemicals used—was Apple. As a result, Apple made some major changes in the way they did things. Their computers are now much more environmentally friendly, including being made from (I believe) 100% recyclable materials. Whatever the case, Greenpeace was not only appeased, they began singing Apple’s praises for its willingness and ability to make such drastic changes so quickly. And that, we all thought, was that.

Enter the iPad.

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months, Apple will be releasing—tomorrow, in fact!—a brand new type of internet device called the iPad. It’s kind of like a cross between an iPhone and a computer, the latter comparison being primarily due to its higher-resolution, 9.7″ display. And thanks to this new product, Greenpeace is once again bashing Apple—only this time, with a twist.

Why, pray tell, are they bashing the iPad? Is it because it contains harmful materials and/or chemicals? Well, no, Apple’s now a green company—in fact, the most green computer manufacturer, according to Greenpeace’s own criteria. The reason that the iPad is being singled out as a danger to the environment is because it includes a web browser, which can, in turn, be used to access Facebook.

Really.

According to news site Electronista, “Greenpeace… calls out Facebook as a direct contributor to greenhouse gas emissions. The social networking site opened its own data center in Prineville, Oregon, a location that allegedly relies on coal-based power from the utility company PacifiCorp.” As such, the popularity of the iPad (which has already received over 250,000 pre-orders and is consequently backordered into next month, despite nobody having actually seen the thing up close) leads Greenpeace to label it a “quintessential cloud computing device” that will increase “the IT industry’s appetite for energy.”

Really.

So in short: Greenpeace has told Apple that if they want to be an environmentally friendly company, they have to stop selling Internet devices because the Internet—especially Facebook—is bad.

If you’d like to learn more about Greenpeace and how you can save the environment, please check out their Internet site. Better yet, become a fan of their Facebook page, which oddly enough doesn’t mention the whole “coal-based” thing.

Three Hours in Somewhere Other Than Heaven

2010-04-01T16:10:00.002-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, my beloved wife, Anna, went to the library and checked out a book called 90 Minutes in Heaven. The book is the semi-autobiography of a Baptist minister named Don Piper, who apparently presides over a congregation with 10,000 active members. Really.

So anyway, Rev. Piper had a amazing experience in 1989: he died. We’re not just talking he died on the operating table, or his heart stopped, or whatever. This guy was killed in a car wreck; he lay there dead, under a tarp, for 90 minutes; and an acquaintance, who didn’t even know who was under the tarp, was prompted to pray for his restoration to life. And it worked. Very cool stuff.

That’s the good part.

The second, and somewhat more striking aspect of the book, is what happened while Rev. Piper was dead: he claims he went to Heaven.

Now, never mind that God wasn’t there, Jesus wasn’t there, and the Holy Ghost wasn’t there. Never mind that there was a gigantic, pearlescent gate that neither he nor any of his friends and family could pass through, on the other side of which he knew there was someplace better than where he was. Never mind the fact that nobody goes to Heaven right when they die. Never mind that Rev. Piper’s every last detail sounds exactly like Hell, but he’s unfortunately too ignorant to have recognized it. (And no, that’s not me being mean; we’re all ignorant of a lot of things, and I certainly don’t claim to be an expert on the subject. But I digress….)

So getting back to the point, let’s ignore all that for a moment. This amazing, supernal experience that has ostensibly helped so many people takes up a whopping eight—yes, eight—pages of a 200-plus–page book. Of the remaining 200 or so pages, about half deal with his fatal wreck—which is obviously important—and his recovery (which was also interesting; some really cool medical stuff in there), while the remaining half deals with how his experience affected him and others (which is, to be honest, not so interesting).

Let’s be succinct: this book is boring.

If you’re going to bother reading it at all, I’d highly recommend you bail out after the first eight or nine chapters, because after that you’re mostly just reading the same thing over and over again. In fact, my personal favorite example of this is chapter 14, where he spends a few pages talking about how his death and recovery affected his three children, then turns the time over to each of them to describe the exact same things he just talked about—often word for word!!!

The bottom line is that this book fails on two levels: first, it describes a “Heaven” that could be only described as such by someone that doesn’t plan to get to Heaven per se; and second, it spends about 100 pages telling stories that could easily have been summed up in ten. Having just discovered that there’s another, shorter version (at left; it’s about 80 pages shorter, which should be perfect!), I can only assume that that would be a much better use of one’s time.

Winter Cleaning

2010-02-08T11:01:00.000-05:00

Anna and I have a bit of a running gag between us: our “Spring cleaning” never seems to take place in Spring. It’s not that we have anything against cleaning in Spring, mind you; we just do a “deep clean” whenever we feel like it, and for some reason, it never seems to happen to be Spring, when that happens.

So as per usual, a little backstory: back when I was a lad in Gimmelshtump (or something like that), Anna and I were getting ready for our pre-adoption home visit and realized that our master bedroom was, to be frank, atrocious. We have a lot of stuff and are finally learning to part with some of it (most notably those things we haven’t seen nor thought about in years), even if it came to us via some sentimental method (e.g. a gift from some random family member we haven’t seen since 1982 who probably died in 1982½, but how would we know?). But back in Gimmelshtump, we decided we needed to get our room clean fast, so I headed over to Walmart (of course they have Walmart in Gimmelshtump!) and purchased some number of Sterilite® bins that we could just toss everything into. A lot of them found their way into other rooms (including two that are still full, in my office), but the main group consisted of four 55-gallon bins that we stacked up in the corner of our room, plus one 45-gallon bin alongside our drawing table. Each was filled to the brim with somewhat random stuff.

So Saturday morning, with no other urgent projects on our plate, we decided to finally get started on the Great Purge. One by one, I brought the four bins downstairs. The first one, as it turned out, was actually quite well done: it was completely filled with wrapping paper, gift bags, etc., and thus needed no reorganization. The other three, however, were nothing short of ridiculous. The sheer amount of long-since unnecessary documents that made their way into the recycling bin or the shredder was amazing enough, but the number of other, random items tossed in there was truly a sight to behold. At right, you’ll see a shot from the thick of it. (Keep in mind that this is after we had recycled large quantities of items.)

Of course, you know I wouldn’t be posting here if there weren’t some wonderful kicker to this entire tale—something so truly Jeffanna, I couldn’t help but mention it. So here we go: in the middle of the very last bin, Anna found a manila envelope (seen above), tossed in randomly with everything else. And what, pray tell, was it labelled?

You can’t make this stuff up.

Now That’s Just Ridiculous

2009-12-31T21:43:00.001-05:00

We all know the running gag: Christmas keeps coming earlier every year. Back when we were kids, the Christmas stuff would hit the aisles, the second Thanksgiving was over. As time went on, it started predating Thanksgiving—first a little bit, then significantly. Now by mid-October, we regularly see Hallowe’en and Christmas items being sold side by side. So with all this jumping the gun, I guess what I’m about to say shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me—nor, I suppose, will it to you.

This evening, I stopped by the store after work to grab some last-minute items for our New Year’s Eve party. We already had most everything we needed, but I’d forgotten the marshmallows for the Rice Krispie Treats. In addition to grabbing what I came for and the requisite few other items, I found myself in for quite the surprise.

There they were, right in the front of the store, between two cash-register lanes:

Cadbury Creme Eggs.

In December.

Happy New Year, everybody, and remember: bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, ba-gawk!

He Said, She Said

2009-12-22T10:27:00.002-05:00

I was recently reading my brother-in-law Ed’s blog entry regarding his eighth wedding anniversary, and I couldn’t help but get to thinking, regarding the wedding photos he posted therewith. It got me to thinking about one of the most obvious differences between men and women.

The photo at right was gleaned from a random web site using Google Image Search. It’s certainly no one I know, which is exactly why I used it: I don’t want anyone to think I’m singling them out specifically. The question I’m getting at, though, is this: what do you see here? On the right, we have a bride, dressed in a beautiful white gown and veil. Her hair is perfect; her face, perfect; if we could zoom in on her nails, I expect they’d be perfect too. Add to this her long, blonde hair, and this bride is the epitome of worldly perfection in every conceivable way.

On the left, we have a guy in a suit.

Is it just me, or is this pretty typical? I know a lot of guys rent tuxes for their weddings, but even that seems almost laughable compared to what their brides go through for their weddings. I mean, come on… a rental? At least I bought the suit I wore to the temple. (Of course, granted, it’s also the suit I’ve worn to probably 75% of the Church meetings I’ve attended in the twelve years since, but at least it’s not the same tux that 83 other guys got married in.) ;-)

As an aside, here’s one of the very few extant photos of my bride and me, on our wedding day. You’ll note that she’s not even wearing her wedding dress. Our receptions were still a few days away, so she changed back into “street clothes” immediately following our sealing. (Our wedding brunch was an unplanned stop at Bennigan’s, so it’s not like we needed to impress anyone.)

Anyway, this photo is actually from the Washington D.C. Temple Visitors’ Center, where they were hosting a “Christmas Around the World” exhibit. Nice, huh?

Facial Recognition

2009-12-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

Just thought my readers here would be interested in my latest Drakelings post:
Facial Recognition

:-)

Lost in Translation

2009-12-09T10:38:00.007-05:00

Many years ago, Chevrolet released a car called the “Nova.” My wife, Anna, was one of the many individuals to own such a car: a car that was great for a while, but made us very sad when I had to drive my then-fiancée to work for several weeks—and very happy to have AAA Plus when we had to tow it just over 100 miles from her old apartment in Bloomington to our first home in Lafayette. She would eventually get the car fixed and sell it to her younger sister, who has herself long since moved on to a newer (and thus, more reliable) vehicle. Despite all this, however, my wife generally enjoyed her Chevy Nova for the time that she had it. Until that fateful day that it had a major problem (I think it was the alternator), it had been a pretty good little car.

Unfortunately, this wonderful little hatchback’s success was—shall we say—limited outside the United States. It’s not that it wasn’t dependable; it was. It’s just that when they tried to export it to Latin America, they wasted a lot of money promoting the poor thing before discovering that the problem wasn’t the car, it was the name. You see, in Castilian, “no va” means “It doesn’t go.” It was like trying to sell a car called the “Chevy Immobile.” It just wasn’t going to work.

Conclusively proving that those that don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it, this problem has manifested itself in more recent times, as well—this time, in yet another gigantic company that should really know better but constantly shows us that it doesn’t. That company is Microsoft. A few years back, Microsoft released their ostensible iPod-killer, the Zune (which, incidentally, I’ve only seen in stores. I think the same sister-in-law that bought the Nova from us actually has one, but it’s not like she’s pulling it out to show people). Much like the Chevy Nova, the Zune was discovered to be highly unsuccessful in—strangely enough—Israel. Eventually, somebody pointed out that “Zune” is homophonous with the Hebrew equivalent of the past tense of the F-bomb. Not as strong, mind you—it’s actually more akin to saying “screwed”—but probably not the best name for a product, y’know?

Well, the beauty of life is that anyone can be forgiven for their mistakes. Since Microsoft obviously screwed up by not looking into the meaning of “Zune” in foreign languages, they’re obviously smart enough that they’re not going to make that mistake again, right? Right?!

So why did it not surprise me when I found this in a fortune cookie, a few days ago?

Way to hit one out of the park in the world’s largest market, guys.

Taking Oneself Too Seriously

2009-12-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

First of all, hats off to my beloved brother-in-law Ed, who started me down this thought process with this post. If you’d like to read it before continuing here, that’s fine; I’m not going anywhere.

Now for my thoughts: first of all, it’s definitely easy to go to one extreme or the other. I am reminded of the conscious decision I made, somewhere along the line, that I didn’t give a *$#@ what other people think about me as long as I’m happy with myself. I’m still not sure my unconscious mind is completely on board with this decision, but it does manifest itself in things like:

When I go to the beach, I generally let my gigantic belly hang out all over the place, despite the fact that most guys my size would be hiding under a T-shirt.
When I was 13 years old, I really liked Debbie Gibson (mostly because I was a teenage boy with hormones, but I digress) and actually saw her in concert twice. The day after each concert, I wore the T-shirt I’d purchased there, knowing full well that the social ramifications probably wouldn’t be particularly desirable. (I actually did wind up with a large hole in my shirt where someone apparently took a lit cigarette to the back of it, but I just wrote Debbie and she—or more likely, one of “her people”—sent me a new one. So, nyaah.)
Yesterday in my elders quorum meeting, an person that I didn’t even recognize expressed an opinion with which I vehemently disagreed. I wasn’t nasty about it by any means, but neither was I going to just sit there and be afraid of offending someone. I raised my hand and spoke my mind on the subject, and it started a really good discussion. (Most people, as it happened, seemed to agree with my position. Again, nyaah.) ;-)

So from a conscious standpoint, I either take myself too seriously or too trivially, depending on what you think my reasoning is.

Now… what can I do about this? I don’t know. I guess the bigger question for me is whether I actually should do anything about it. For this, I must appeal to my friends: does my desire to be true to myself, no matter what, pose a problem?

Windows 7 Burger

2009-11-10T09:53:00.001-05:00

Okay, so this is old news, but I just thought I’d share it with anyone that hadn’t seen it yet: Microsoft and Burger King decided to get together and promote last month’s release of Microsoft Windows 7. The promotion? Well, you’ve heard of a Double Whopper®; you’ve probably even heard of a Triple Whopper. So what better way to promote Windows 7 than with a Septuple Whopper?

Japanese mafia hit: ¥50.000.000
Windows 7 Burger: ¥777
Knowing a deal when you see one: priceless.

The Gospel According to Jeffrey

2009-10-22T11:03:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that I’ve removed the overtly spiritual posts from my blog. This is intentional. From here on out, I’ve decided to make my own “Small Plates,” as it were—virtual though they may be.

These “Small Plates” are to be known as The Gospel According to Jeffrey, and are available to subscribers at bookofjeffrey.blogspot.com. If you’re interested in reading them, just let me know in the comments and I’ll send you an invite. Until then, L8Rs!

Coincidence

2009-10-12T14:23:00.001-04:00

Douglas Adams wrote:

If one coincidence can occur… then another coincidence can occur. And if one coincidence happens to occur just after another coincidence, then that is just a coincidence. (The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, 172).

As if to prove his point, I just randomly flipped through the pages of the just-quoted book, hoping to find the right page so that I could properly cite it. My random flip stopped on page 172 exactly, where my eyes immediately fell upon the word “coincidence” about two thirds down the page. Is this too a coincidence?

Regardless, the reason I got to thinking about this is because about ten minutes ago, as I was reading Berke Breathed’s Bloom County Babylon, I came across this panel in a comic from 1985:

Given current events, I must ask again: is this just another coincidence? I can only assume so, since it was probably also just a coincidence that some guy tried to sell Dave a screenplay about a late-night talk-show host that was sleeping around with members of his staff. (I guess even Dave just couldn’t control all that raw sexual magnetism.)

On top of all this, Anna and I are constantly noticing coincidences in the shows we watch on a given night. For example, we might choose to watch last Wednesday’s Criminal Minds and the previous Friday’s Psych on the same night, and each show features an unsub that bludgeons his victims with frozen bologna. Coincidence? (This one, at least, is easily explained: there’s only so many ways you can kill someone with frozen bologna without being ridiculous and/or derivative.)

So if all these things are coincidences, that’s just another coincidence, which is comforting in a way. Otherwise, we’d have to assume that Berke Breathed has known about Dave’s affairs for 24 years and just never really said anything about them. I don’t know about you, but I’m just not ready for that kind of un-forthcomingness in my 24-year-old semi-political comics.

Secondhand Data

2009-10-07T11:42:00.004-04:00

For the last two days, I’ve been bombarded with RSS feeds about a recent study from the NPD Group. According to the NPD Group’s report (and about a thousand blogs regurgitating the information), “Nearly 85 Percent of All Apple Households Also Own a Windows PC.” While this could certainly be possible, nobody seems to have seen the original report; they’ve just seen NPD’s resulting press release. it really makes me wonder how well the release reflects reality.

Let’s take my household, for example: I don’t think myself a Mac bigot, but at present, all of our functional computers happen to be Macs. Specifically, we currently own 11 computers: 10 Apple Macintoshes (ages 2-18), plus one partially assembled “white box” (read: generic) PC. The “white box” is one of my eternal projects and just sits in the closet; it doesn’t even have a motherboard or a hard drive at the moment, let alone an operating system. So that leaves us with the ten Macs. Here’s the OS breakdown, in numbers of installations:

Mac OS X v.10.6.1: one
Mac OS X v.10.5.8: one
Mac OS X v.10.4.11: one
Mac OS X Server v.10.3.9: one
Mac OS X v.10.3.9: one
Mac OS X v.10.2.8: three
Mac OS 9.2.2: five
Mac OS 8.6.1: one
Mac OS 8.1: one
Mac OS 7.5.5: one
Microsoft Windows XP: one
Microsoft Windows 98SE: one (although it doesn’t actually boot)

So let’s see: 18 OS installations, 10 Macs, 0 functional non-Macs. It sounds to me like we are not, at present, a “mixed” household. But what do the questions ask? If one of the questions were “Does your household contain a Windows-based PC,” I would have had to answer in the affirmative, despite the fact that I haven’t used Windows for anything in almost a year. Would my household thus be classified as “mixed”?

That brings me to a second, closely related question: what of households that do, technically, own a Microsoft-based, non-Apple computer, but they haven’t used it since God only knows when? My brother-in-law, for example, owns two Dells: a three-year-old laptop that died about a year ago, and a 7½-year-old desktop that gets turned on maybe twice a year. He also owns an iMac that gets daily use by all five members of his family. Does having two unused Windows-based PCs—one of which is completely inoperable—qualify his household as “mixed”?

I’ve emailed NPD with this question (and a link to this blog) and will be very interested to see the results.

Stupid Whippersnappers

2009-10-02T11:50:00.002-04:00

I guess it’s probably just as well that I neglected to post this yesterday, since my customer support manifesto was long enough as it was. However, the subject of iTunes reminded me of a rather humorous scenario I ran into, a while back.

Perhaps two, maybe three years ago, I received my weekly e-mail from iTunes informing me of some of the new releases to hit the store that week. One of the new items was a five-track compilation of some of Paula Abdul’s greatest hits. Curious, I clicked the link to see which five they considered to be her “greatest.” What I didn’t expect was the hilarity of the comments.

While a few people that rated the compilation had some decent things to say—whether positive or negative—the great majority were along the lines of, “Paula Abdul is such a loser. She thinks that just because she’s a judge on American Idol, all she has to do is record her own material and she’ll become a pop star, too!”

I could not stop laughing—as evidenced by the fact that even years later, I still remember it.

Of course, remembering this anecdote in turn reminded me of a track I’d like to share with my readers. Enjoy!

Now That’s Customer Service!

2009-10-01T09:33:00.010-04:00

A few months ago, I was horrified to discover that the RAID I use to store our family’s iLife—photos, movies, web sites, and music—had suffered severe header corruption. For those of you that don’t know what this means, the header is sort of like the index to the drive. Imagine a 10,000-page reference book that you use every single day. This book includes a 500-page index, so you can easily find what you need. Then one day, you notice that some of the page numbers are suddenly wrong: about 10% of the time, if you look up term A, it gives you the page number for term L, or Z, or W. That’s a pretty good description of header corruption, except that at least with a book, you can flip through until you find the right page. Without an accurate disk header, the computer can’t find the right data at all.

Now, all this shouldn’t be so bad, since I’m extremely conscientious about backing things up. Unfortunately, the backup software I was using at the time was so good that it dutifully backed up the header corruption, bit by bit, giving me an absolutely perfect backup of the original corruption. Niiiiiice.

Well, suffice to say that, through a combination of great recovery utilities and just dumb luck (a lot of the photos were also on one or more completely different hard drives), I’ve slowly but surely recovered just about everything and have taken some steps (regular consistency checks, different backup utility, etc.) to ensure that we don’t have a repeat performance. Unfortunately, there were still about fifty songs that I wasn’t able to recover, and that’s where the title of this entry comes in.

Of the fifty or so tracks that were missing, about a quarter were downloaded from eMusic and about half were downloaded from iTunes. I e-mailed both companies, informing them of the situation and asking if I could possibly receive replacement copies of the missing tracks (assuming, of course, that they were even still available). I received the following responses:

eMusic: oh wait…. eMusic didn’t respond at all.

iTunes:

Hi Jeff,
Leanne here, from iTunes Customer Support. I understand you're missing some of your purchases. I can appreciate how eager you may be to have this resolved and I'll be more than happy to help you with this today.
I have posted the missing items to your account. I do need to mention that I was unable to restore every item in your order. When an item is modified in the iTunes Store, or removed entirely, we no longer have access to the original one that you ordered. This is what I couldn't restore:

(names of four tracks that are no longer available)
For this inconvenience, I have issued 4 replacement song credits to your iTunes Store account. You can use these to buy the individual songs of your choice from the iTunes Store.

Did you see that? Not only did iTunes replace almost every track I lost, but I received store credit for those that couldn’t be replaced! Leanne then went on to give me instructions on how to go about downloading the tracks (in case I didn’t happen to know) and even included her work schedule, just in case I needed anything else. I wrote back thanking her—as I often do, when I receive good service. However, unlike virtually every other time I’ve done so, she actually wrote back to me again!

Dear Jeff,
Leanne here, from the iTunes Store. I'm glad to hear that I was able to help you.
You are a valued member of the Apple family and your experience with the iTunes Store is of the utmost importance to us. Nothing makes Apple happier than to hear that we have satisfied our customers. I wish you the best and hope that you continue to enjoy the iTunes Store.
Thank you for choosing Apple and I hope you have a fabulous day!
With Warm Regards,
Leanne
iTunes Store Customer Support

Now, don’t get me wrong; I don’t think for a moment that part—perhaps even all—of her latter response wasn’t canned. Heck, I’m sure at least the instructions in the first e-mail were canned, too. However, I think this just goes to prove the old adage: “If we don’t take care of our customers, someone else will.” Which of these two companies do you think will be getting my business in the future?

Urban Dictionary Term of the Day

2009-10-01T06:12:00.000-04:00

Once again, I love today’s Urban Dictionary term (@2008 Aaron Peckham) and just had to share:

adorkable
Both dorky and adorable. A higher state of being all dorks strive toward.
That dork is so adorkable I could just hug him till I die.

Think Different.

2009-09-26T16:00:00.011-04:00

Remember those old Apple ads, back in the ’90s, that encouraged us to “Think Different”? I certainly don’t mean to put the cart before the horse, but I’m wondering if I took that counsel a bit too much to heart, because advertising just doesn’t seem to work on me these days. Consider the following, all three of which happened in the last hour.

As I was driving down the road with my family, I saw an ad for a car. I don’t have the slightest clue what kind of car it was (which says something about the overall effectiveness of the ad), but the tag line was: “Hate Sitting In Traffic Even More.” I was like, “Okay… so you’re saying that if I buy this car, the unenjoyable parts of my life will become even less enjoyable? Why wouldn’t I just save a couple Chases and use the car I already have?”

Anna, it must be said, understood the ad as I can only assume it was intended: “This car is such a pleasure to drive, sitting in traffic will be horrible by comparison.” More power to her, but do you really think this is obvious from the text? (That’s an honest question, by the way. Feel free to comment!)

A few minutes later, we passed another billboard: this one for the Verizon Wireless store. The ad described the store—which I’ve seen, many times—as being “next to Walmart / behind Burger King,” which confused the snot out of me. Check out this aerial view of the two stores:

As you can plainly see (or so I thought), Verizon Wireless is across the street from Burger King, not behind it. However, Anna’s argument was that Burger King is actually on the street at the top of this picture (above Burger King), so the entrance and exit are actually in back. (Of course, the United States Postal Service doesn’t agree—BK’s address is the road that runs across the middle of this photo—but I guess nobody asked them.) So is the billboard correct? What do you think?

Let’s finish up, then, with our third and final ad of the day. When we arrived home, there was a computing catalog in the mailbox that was quite prominently advertising Microsoft Windows 7. When I opened up the catalog, the only mention of it was a tiny blurb (on page 7, ironically enough) that highlighted three main features of the new system. The top feature: “Windows XP productivity allows you to run programs in Windows XP Mode.”

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Windows XP the version that Microsoft is still trying to get everyone to upgrade from? (Yes, I know there’s a few people that actually bought Vista, but I’m guessing they’re not going to need their arms twisted to upgrade.) So if I’m a Windows XP user, why would I even consider dropping $300 on a system whose most important feature is its ability to act just like the one I already own?

How about you, dear readers? Am I right? wrong? just plain crazy? What do you think of these ads (or any others you might care to mention)?

Urban Dictionary Term of the Day

2009-09-23T13:02:00.002-04:00

For those that don’t know (or just don’t remember), I have a page-a-day Urban Dictionary calendar. I thought today’s term was wonderful and just had to share:

applejacked
The process of having your Apple iPod stolen, usually as a result of wearing the telltale white earbuds.
Guy 1: Dude, I was on the train last night and someone came up to me and stole my iPod!

Guy 2: Dude, you totally got applejacked.

(Note: the preceding is @2008 Aaron Peckham. Please don’t sue me.) ;-)

And Now It’s Time for Everybody’s Favorite Game Show…

2009-09-21T16:14:00.006-04:00

…WHAT THE *#%! IS GOING ON?

Today on What the *#%! Is Going On?, we have another entry from the book we spoke of, a few weeks ago. In this bleary, blurry photo, we see two boys doing… well, you decide. My personal take: a rare shot of Goofus actually doing something right for a change, although I’m not quite sure that rickety ladder will hold him much longer. Meanwhile, Gallant gets caught—on camera, no less!—stealing a sack of potatoes, ostensibly to pay the doctor’s bill for his sprained wrist.

What’s your take?

And We Wonder Why Insurance Costs So Much.

2009-09-21T03:48:00.012-04:00

For those that don’t know, my sister is permanently disabled. She has Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome, which basically means that untreated, she’d experience pain, 24/7, to the tune of 10% worse than natural childbirth. In fact, RSD patients—who are overwhelmingly female—often report that pregnancy decreases their pain level, so while most pregnant women are complaining that their back hurts, the RSD patients are rejoicing that their arms and legs don’t.

Thankfully, my sister has been blessed with amazing health benefits. Until their retirement, a few months ago, my parents were both middle-school teachers in New Jersey, which basically means that their insurance is phenomenal compared to just about everyone else’s. (Case in point: growing up, my sister and I took prescription chewable vitamins because our $1 copay was cheaper than over-the-counter Flintstones vitamins. True story.) While many insurance companies won’t even admit that RSD exists, let alone cover it, I’m not aware of Jaci ever being stuck with a bill—despite running up hundreds of thousands of dollars worth, every single year. Of course there’s the occasional bout with bureaucratic red tape, but by and large, the status quo keeps her illness within reasonable financial boundaries.

So this brings us to the point of this post: back in 1993, Jaci had her first surgery for what we would eventually discover was (or at least led to) RSD. As the surgery was podiatric, she wound up on crutches and, eventually, in a wheelchair. The insurance company could certainly be forgiven for not wanting to buy the wheelchair outright, since at that time nobody knew that she would be permanently disabled. As such, they dutifully paid the $50 to rent it for a month.

The month passed. Jaci still needed the wheelchair. I’m sure her doctors had to okay it, but the point is that insurance dutifully shelled out another $50 for the rental. Still no big deal; they’ve now paid $100 to rent a $500 wheelchair. The rental company gets their due, the insurance company comes out ahead.

Here’s the problem, though: this went on for years. Even after the government issued Jaci a permanent handicapped placard for her car, the insurance company—despite my father’s suggestion to the contrary—kept right on paying $50/month for the rental. After ten months, the price of the rental had already exceeded the price of the wheelchair; after 100 months, it was tenfold. If I remember correctly, it wasn’t until the state switched providers that somebody finally said, “Hey! Why are we renting this stupid wheelchair instead of just buying it?” and threatened to take it away altogether, unless my parents allowed the purchase (which, of course, was absolutely fine by them).

I was reminded of all this, a little while ago, when I discovered an article about Roger Ebert’s struggle to have his health insurance cover an iPhone or iPod touch. You can read the article, if you like, but the Reader’s Digest version is that Roger Ebert has lost his voice to cancer. According to overwhelming user consensus, the best speech-synthesis software out there is a $150 app installed on an Apple mobile device, such as the $199 iPod touch. Unfortunately, Ebert’s insurance would only cover an $8,000 PC that, according to those that use it, doesn’t work anywhere near as well as the proposed $349 solution (nor helps you at all, unless you’re sitting at it).

This article then cites an earlier New York Times article about an ALS patient on Medicare:

Asked why Medicare refused to cover cheaper, better alternatives for users, Peter Ashkenaz, a spokesman for the federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services told the Times, “We would not cover the iPhones and netbooks with speech-generating software capabilities because they are useful in the absence of an illness or injury.”

Since the $8,000 PC in question is apparently just a $500 PC that has had everything but the included text-synthesis software disabled, it’s not “useful in the absence of an illness or injury.” (Of course, once insurance ponies up the $8,000, the recipient is free to unlock the rest of the computer for a $50 upgrade fee, at which point s/he is free to do anything that doesn’t turn out to be incompatible with the text-synthesis software and crash the computer.)

So here’s the bottom line: both insurance companies and the federal government refuse to pay for a device that does everything you need and fits in your pocket, plus costs roughly 1/23 the price of a device that does virtually nothing and can’t travel with you, because—wait for it—the less expensive device is too useful.

I suppose there’s some doctor out there that would be happy to fit whoever made this decision with a prosthetic clue, but he’s probably not in network.

*****

2009-09-18T11:25:00.013-04:00

It was a couple of months ago that my wife, Anna, decided that we should start purchasing Dean’s® brand milk over the store brand, because she heard somewhere that, unlike store brands, Dean’s contains no hormones. As luck would have it, about a week later, CVS started having sales on Dean’s milk, pretty much every week—sales so good that it’s now actually less expensive than the store brand—so we started taking advantage.

This morning, I was sitting at the table, innocently eating my breakfast, when I noticed that Dean’s has actually begun advertising this rumored fact. You probably can’t read it in the photo, but that golden, rounded fourteen-point star contains the following words:

Our Farmers Pledge Not to Use Artificial Growth Hormones*

So I’m thinking, “Cool! Anna was right! There’s no artificial growth hormones! How consumer-conscious of them!” But then I notice the asterisk. “Hmmm…” I think, using those exact words. “What could that be for?”

I look around the label—it really isn’t that large—and find the other asterisk. (At least it’s there; have you ever had that experience where there’s an asterisk in one place, but no asterisk anywhere else? You just know the designers are still laughing themselves silly over that little joke.) But back to this asterisk: it refers me to a series of tiny, probably four-point letters that state:

* NO SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE HAS BEEN SHOWN IN MILK FROM COWS TREATED WITH THE ARTIFICIAL GROWTH HORMONE rBST AND NON rBST TREATED COWS.

Did you get that? In short, what they’re saying is:

We’re Doing Something Politically Correct!
that doesn’t matter anyway.

It actually reminds me of a time, about a year ago, when I was visiting my parents and noticed a nice, big label on their mouthwash:

24-Hour Protection!*

Now, don’t get me wrong: 24-hour protection is a great thing to receive, from a mouthwash. Nobody wants to gargle at 7:30 AM and have their morning breath mysteriously return, just in time for the big business meeting. But again, what does that asterisk mean? Well, in this case:

* WHEN USED EVERY 12 HOURS.

Ha! Those kooky label designers! Can you imagine if we applied this to everything? How about a new women’s razor?

Eliminates Unwanted Hair Forever!*
*must shave every hour, on the hour.

…or perhaps a new Presidential Candidate?

I’ll Eliminate the National Debt without Increasing Taxes!*
*if every man, woman, and child in America sends a check to our creditors.

The bottom line is that I think we’ve reached a new level of enlightenment here, folks. The possibilities are endless. In fact, using my patented system, you too can use the hidden power of asterisks to become a billionaire in only five days!*

*Plan requires $1,000,000,000.00 investment. Results not typical. See some other blog for details.

Dream Another Dream for Me

2009-09-18T10:07:00.003-04:00

So I said I’d be back to talk about my next dream, and here it is. Unfortunately, since I’ve waited for yet another night to pass, the details are very sketchy until the climactic scene, which I will now attempt to describe.

For much of the dream, I’d been driving around some city that I believe was supposed to be Philadelphia—not that I’ve been to Philadelphia, in the last decade, but that seems right. What sticks out in my mind is that after driving around for a long time, I finally came to a bridge. The bridge was extremely steep—probably about a 55˚ grade—but there was a long line of cars on it, slowly inching their way up. I decided to follow.

As I, too, inched up the bridge, I noticed that the left lane was mostly empty and took the opportunity to pass a few people—still moving fairly slowly, because of the grade, but faster than the people in the right lane. As I passed, I couldn’t help but notice that all the drivers in the right lane were pretty old, the kind of drivers whose faces provide shelter for large quantities of wrinkles. You know the ones I’m talking about: they’re always right smack in the middle of the road, bodies hunched up to wheel, trying desperately to see over the dashboard. If it hadn’t already been dusk, I’m sure they would have been wearing those Roy Orbison–style sunglasses that inexplicably wrap around the face of the wearer, presumably so stray bats can’t fly behind the glasses and nest in the aforementioned crevasses. The point is that these people were everywhere, and I couldn’t figure out why they all seemed to be congregating on the same bridge.

As I got closer to the top, the left lane ended and I was forced to merge. By now it was almost completely dark out, and the streetlights lining the bridge were joined by millions of faraway lights, shining up from the city below. Still, I inched my way up, ever aware of the countless senior citizens around me. And then, somewhere in my mind, I realized something: this wasn’t just any bridge; this was a bridge where people came to die. About this time, the car ahead of me disappeared and I was left in horror as I realized that I was within a few feet of the top of the bridge, and my lane—the only lane—was about to merge down to virtually nothing.

You know those ladders that fold in half? The top of the bridge looked very similar to the top of one of those, when folded: a circle on its side, extruded about a foot wide and carved with a beautiful sun theme. Beneath this cylinder was a modified trapezoid, connecting it to the slowly widening bridge on either side. In other words, if I could actually make it over the top, the bridge would widen back into a lane (and presumably, eventually, into two), so that I could theoretically drive down the other side. Of course, given the 55˚ downgrade, I didn’t really want to test that theory, but I was pretty much out of options.

And then I was there, at the top of the bridge, my car perched atop the foot-wide cylinder and beginning to spin and tilt. I could see the city lights penetrating the darkness from hundreds, perhaps thousands of feet below. As the wheels hung in mid-air, I searched for any sign of the countless vehicles that must have preceded me in plummeting from this insane altitude, but to no avail. My life hung in a very literal balance, and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before gravity—my true-blue friend since childhood—would suddenly and irrevocably become my worst enemy.

And then I woke up.

Graming My Dreams

2009-09-17T11:08:00.005-04:00

First of all, an explanation of the title: when I arrived at my first area in Spain—Sevilla Third Ward—my trainer immediately took me across the street to Alcampo, a store kind of like Super Walmart but (in Sevilla, anyway) with multiple floors. As we walked through the store, I happened to notice the CD racks and came across what was then the Cranberries’ new album, No Need to Argue. What’s more, it was a special edition, containing a live E.P. in addition to the full-length CD, itself. (I assume Europeans do that because CDs are so freaking expensive, over there; it sweetens the deal, a little.) I wound up purchasing it and sending it home, so I’d have it when I got back.

Fast forward a couple of years, when I was back in the States and no longer bound by mission rules. As I looked more closely at the liner notes, I noticed that parts of the track list were misspelled: specifically, the title track—which was spelled correctly, elsewhere—was accidentally listed as No Nedd to Argue, while Dreaming My Dreams was spelled as above. (I had actually noticed that one, immediately, but just figured “graming” was some Irish word I wasn’t familiar with. How naïve I was!) ;-)

So now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

The last couple of nights, I’ve been having some very interesting dreams. In the first one, Dave Pitcher—the local director of LDSFS—arrived at our house and handed us a two-day-old baby boy. He was Caucasian, with a full head of straight, very dark (nigh unto black) hair; and beautiful. His birthmother had loved him enough to leave him at a hospital in Indianapolis, knowing full well that she couldn’t take care of him. We immediately accepted him as our own—for indeed he was—and set about deciding what to name him.

That’s where the most interesting part came up: Anna and I have often discussed boy names, but have always had great difficulty coming up with any. Our top choice, Sam, was negated by Anna’s brother Ed naming his son Samuel (which bothered me a lot, at the time, since the only reason we hadn’t had several children by then was our stupid infertility; thankfully, I’m long since over that). We only agree on about three others, though, and we’ve now used two of them on our sons David and Daniel. As such, pretty much the only name we have left is Seth—which we initially determined to use, for the child in our arms. A little later in the dream, though, I got to thinking about why we want to use that name.

Anna and I have always loved the name Seth, but these days, it takes on a new significance. The name seems to have originated with Adam and Eve, who after the death of their son Abel, gave it to their next son. As recorded in Genesis 4:25:

And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.”

If we do wind up having another son, in this life, would Seth be an appropriate name? For us, certainly, but what about for the child himself? That’s what I worried about, in the dream: if we named this baby Seth, would he consider himself second rate? Would he spend his life thinking, “Am I just the ‘substitute Daniel,’” the baby nobody really wanted, but whom my parents thought was better than nothing?

What do you think about this? I’ll come back later, to post about last night’s dream, but I’d really like some feedback. It’s my (hypothetical, but still) son’s self-worth we’re talking about, here.

Thanks!

Obomney?

2009-09-16T10:10:00.021-04:00

Now here’s a fascinating turn of events: we were having lunch at McDonald’s yesterday, and the TV was showing CNN’s live feed of Obama addressing a group of Pennsylvania union members. In the course of his remarks, Obama used the opportunity to once again drum up support for his health plan. As I listened to our illustrious president speak, he came to part about how’s he’s going to pay for all this, and I was flabbergasted.

It was Romneycare!

Now, don’t get me wrong: there are still plenty of differences between Obama’s plan and what Romney pushed through, in Massachusetts. However, the main sticking point—that the government stop paying doctors to treat the uninsured, then turn around and use that money to insure the same people they’re no longer paying for—was there. Frankly, I don’t know if this has always been a part of his plan (and don’t really care), but I do know a good idea when I hear it. It made sense when Romney suggested it, and it makes sense when Obama suggests it. While I still have tremendous concerns about the direction this whole health-care debate is going, I no longer see the funding as a significant issue.

Good job, Prez. Amidst a sea of concern and contradiction, you finally hit one out of the park. ☺

Obamarama

2009-09-10T10:04:00.000-04:00

So last night, Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina spoke out in an unbecoming outburst, during the President’s speech before Congress (not that he was really addressing Congress, but that’s not Obama; that’s presidents in general). In case you’ve been in a cave this morning, Obama claimed that his health care plan—which he has now essentially vowed to push through, no matter what, and if the Republicans don’t like it, that’s just because they’re stupid whiners—would not apply to illegal immigrants. Representative Wilson yelled out, right then and there, “You lie!” (Nancy Pelosi was not amused.)

So here’s the problem: Wilson’s outburst was inappropriate, but not necessarily inaccurate. And even if one does believe that Wilson is wrong, he spoke his beliefs, which last I checked, was still okay in this country. So the question now is: how does Wilson—a virtual unknown, until last night—turn this into a positive?

Wilson has been apologizing (through his people, of course) almost since the speech ended. This is a good start, but it’s not enough. In the brief time we watched Boston Legal, I gleaned an interesting—but very accurate—insight: apologies don’t win cases; defenses do. What Wilson needs to do is get out before the press and say, “Listen, guys…. I know I shouldn’t have interrupted the President during his speech. That was disrespectful, and there’s no excuse for that. But here’s why I did it: …” …and explain his actions. Here’s why this will work:

Before last night, Wilson was an unknown. Now, he’s a laughingstock. His own party is distancing itself from him. The opposition is attacking like a rabid werebeaver. His opponent in next year’s election has already received over $100,000 in grass-roots campaign donations, since last night. He’s got to turn the tide, and without a but, all the apologies in the world won’t accomplish that.

By including that large BUT in his apology, he turns a random outburst into a logical segue into an even more logical, well–thought-out argument. Obama’s speech was already logical and well thought out. You can fight crazy with crazy, but you can only fight smart with smart. Right now, Obama’s the smart one; Wilson’s the crazy. Until he turns that perception around, his outburst will do more to bolster Obama’s position than all the Obama speeches in the world.

Love him, hate him, or not even know him, Representative Wilson has a unique opportunity to do what the rest of the world has only begun to do: take down Obamacare. He stole the spotlight from our illustrious President, and he’s got about 24 hours to grab that attention before he becomes an ex-Representative and a footnote in history.

My 2¢.

Okay, it’s time to upgrade. (Part II)

2009-09-04T07:37:00.001-04:00

wuySo here are my thoughts:

The most obvious option is what Eddie has already suggested: something that will last me another six years. Given the fact that desktops are, in my experience, more reliable than laptops, that would probably be a Mac Pro. It has all the power I could ever want (for the moment), but uses less electricity than my G5. It has room for four internal hard drives, which will make for easy RAID building; and plenty of room for expansion (Firewire 800, PCI Express 2.0, up to 32GB of RAM, etc.).

The big down side is the price: a Mac Pro costs $2,499 or $3,299 with no upgrades, plus whatever else I’d like to spend on a new display (and no, my old display won’t work with its new-fangled ports, so I’ll need to upgrade that, too). It’s really not a bad deal, for what you’re getting, but do I really need that much? If I were constantly doing graphics or video, sure; but as a developer, I’d actually probably be better off with something simpler—if for no other reason, so that I can have a realistic idea of how fast my programs will run, for the average end user.

The next option is a MacBook Pro. It really is the perfect marriage of power and portability, and the 13″ model—which would be fine, with a big, external display—starts at $1,199. It would be wonderful to be able to just up and take my work with me, at a moment’s notice, but my experience with laptops—as mentioned—has not been good. They seem to break down a lot more often than their desktop counterparts, and as long as I’m paid by the hour, no computer means no income. Even with Apple’s amazing warranty service, minimizing downtime is very important (although admittedly, I would still have Anila as a backup machine).

The third option, then, would be an iMac. Believe it or not, this is the direction I’m leaning. It’s the same price point as a MacBook Pro, but it has up to a 24″ display included. By saving a grand or two on my computer this year, I can start putting some money aside to upgrade again, in 2-3 years instead of six. I’ll have a decent machine now—and one that’s much more similar to what my users have, than a Mac Pro—plus, by halving my upgrade cycle, I’ll have one that’s faster than the Mac Pro, sooner.

Of course, the iMac would require me to make some sacrifices. I’ll have to get some new external drive enclosures, and keep most of my files outside of the system itself. It also has a 24″ display, which is considerably smaller than the 30″ display I would buy, with the Mac Pro (and I don’t think my desk can support both, so if I wanted to get the 30″ anyway, I’d need a new desk). But all in all, the iMac is definitely high on my list. It’s still going to be a few months, before I can get the fundage together, so we’ll see where this goes.

Okay, it’s time to upgrade.

2009-09-03T11:41:00.001-04:00

For those that don’t know, my main computer is a Power Macintosh G5. It’s a great machine, the only downside being that it uses more electricity than your average computer, to power its gimongous processors (and in turn, gives off a bit more heat—although admittedly, that could be a lot worse).

Anyway, this wonderful machine—on which I am typing, right now—has been my main workhorse for the last six years, and it’s still doing great! It’s been less than a week since it finally couldn’t run the current version of Mac OS (Mac OS X v.10.6 Snow Leopard came out last Friday, in case you’ve been in a cave since, let’s say, July), and it still does pretty much everything I need it to, at a very acceptable speed—certainly much better than you’d expect, from a six-year-old computer.

So here’s the problem:

As tends to be the case (knock wood), I’m currently working on a database for a client. As part of this database, I decided to use a particular interface technique that I’ve seen others do, but have never tackled, myself. This technique is fairly complex, but I set to it and figured out how to do it—and it works! The only problem: it’s s-l-o-w. We’re talking “click a button, wait five seconds”—literally. So obviously, this is unacceptable (the rule of thumb for the maximum time a user will wait for feedback, without getting ticked off, is one second), so I’ve been banging my head against the wall, trying to get it down to under a second, like I’ve seen others do. And then it hits me: an idea so crazy, it just might work.

I go downstairs, open our two-year-old MacBook, and copy the necessary files over to the desktop. I pop open the main file and, after finally reminding myself of what the full-access password is, for each of the files (I just use Keychain, on the G5), I get to the main screen and click the button.

<1 second to completion.

Wow.

So here’s what I’m thinking: I love my old computer. She’s been with me for six years now, and we’re still a great team. But I think the writing is on the wall: Snow Leopard is out, and Anila (our G5) can’t run it. My biggest clients use FileMaker, the developer of which—FileMaker, Inc.—is a subsidiary of Apple, Inc.. In my estimation, that means a version of FileMaker that won’t run on my G5 can’t be far behind. It’s been six years, and a wonderful run at that; but the time is not far distant that I’m going to have to upgrade. So the question, then, becomes: what do I get?

I’ll post more later, about this quandary. Unfortunately, It’s not a straightforward as it might seem.

Until then…!

The Elusive Promise of Appropriate Font Selection

2009-09-03T07:00:00.004-04:00

So yesterday, I got this magazine in the mail. Let‘s take a step back—just for a moment—and look at the cover. What’s the name of the cover story?

Yeah. That’s what I thought, too.

I don’t doubt for a moment that this cover was developed by a professional graphics designer—the color composition and muted design tell me that—but seriously, dude (or dudette, as the case may be)… how many fonts do you have on your system? And you couldn’t find a single one that actually managed to convey what the heck it is you’re talking about? (I eventually had to look at the table of contents, to be sure.)

So as a nickel’s worth of free advice, here’s a tip from one magazine designer to another: have someone check your work! If your company can’t afford multiple designers, go to another department. In fact, that’s probably a good idea, anyway. They might (okay, they will) have some pretty ridiculous feedback, but among all that, somebody might possibly mention that it sounds like your cover story deals with… um… yeah.

Good luck with your next cover! :-)

First Post! W00t!

2009-09-02T13:45:00.005-04:00

So here we are with my first post on a brand new blog. I figured that the Drakelings blog is all well and good, but I need someplace to post my own, non–child-related, miscellaneous ramblings.

So let’s start with a picture I came across in an old Sunday School manual, the other day. I don’t know about you, but took me a long time to figure out exactly what’s going on. Maybe it’s because the page was smaller—and probably a bit darker—but I was sitting there thinking, “Is that the kid’s dad? Did he catch the kid shooting up? And what’s with the clown statue?” (I’m still not sure I entirely get it, but I think I’ve got a little better idea now.)

So how about you, dear readers? What do you think the caption for this photo should be? Best answer gets bragging rights! :-)